Walking with Fire

One of the twenty or so Peace Corps mottos for its volunteers is that our attitude is the most important thing in our work. I don’t know if it’s true for other countries, but in the Philippines I have to agree. I think I have the opportunity to get a lot done now because I’ve established relationships. I can get involved with the community because I do have a good reputation. Even when I was going through my low points, I tried to keep it confined to my apartment. When that was impossible I tried to throw myself into a book or online, and let the day pass me by. Basically, anything but to take my low points out on others.

I feel that I have the potential to get a few very special things accomplished at site. From my experience over the past year, I know it might not happen. The projects I’ve lined up could fail like half of what I’ve tried to run already. However, the potential is there, and I think I’m up to the challenge to do my part.

Disclaimer

In my last post I didn’t revise or edit it, and I accidently worded a sentence very, very wrongly. If you’re curious to read the sentence, you can check it out yourself. In the event anyone read my last post before I edited it, and didn’t check back in, it was a typo.

Not only did I relearn the importance of revision, but I also discovered that there are people I don’t know who read this blog, which is actually pretty cool. In the vast ocean of the web, I’m a bit surprised I’ve gotten a few readers. Since some of you don’t know me personally, I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt if I write something you find offensive. Point it out to me certainly, but wait until I respond before you think less of me (though feel free to think less of my typing skills). Also, I’m curious to how people found the blog. As I said, I think it’s a positive that people are reading my blog, but I’m interested to see what brought people here.

Standing Up

As I’ve said before, one of the challenges in the Peace Corps is the unfamiliarity. Back in America when you have a hard time, you fall back on friends, family, food, and habits, things that have been built over years. Abroad, not all that is available. So when I hit my slump back in April, and let all my good hobbies and stress relievers slip away, it didn’t leave much to go besides stubbornness (luckily my stubbornness is as vast as the night sky). I did have two things on my side though. One was time, and lots of it. The other was an increasing familiarity with my home in the Philippines.

I worked through my problems one by one, starting with the easiest such as getting the kitchen clean, to harder issues like getting the rest of my apartment clean, and then I fretted over the big stuff like personal relationships, and my role here. As my good habits from reading, to keeping up with the news starting to become regular again, it made filtering through the list of problems I was facing a lot easier. As for the familiarity within my community, still getting better in Ilokano bit by bit, and just getting outside more helped a great deal. I still don’t have what I’d call a very active social life in Dupax, but I’m friends with my coworkers, and there’s quite a few members in the community I stop and talk to when I see them. I also have plenty of me time before and after work to just relax and pursue my own interests. Whereas when I first got to my site, a party or fiesta was even more stressful than work, with everyone staring at me, and having to stretch my Ilokano to its limits, I think I can actually sit down and enjoy a social event now.

So really as I think about it, time and being comfortable in your environment is pretty much the same way I dealt with problems back home. It’s just tweaked here to fit the culture.

Birthday

My birthday was last July. I first celebrated with other volunteers on a Sunday, at our favorite restaurant. I got three gifts that day. The first was vegemite from an Aussie volunteer. I haven’t tried it yet, but from what I’ve heard it’s something else. Perhaps I’ll spread some on Balut whenever I get around to trying it.

The second gift was a cardboard, laminated, dress up clown. There was clown outfit, tux, casual, and prison uniform. So I thank fellow PCVs Becky and Amber for that gift. I had received a text the week before whether I wanted a clown or a stripper for my birthday. Naturally I said both in one, not realizing that it would actually have any impact on my life at all. Oh, and did I say it’s laminated? It’ll be lasting for awhile. Woot.

The third wasn’t exactly a gift, but it came the same day. At the end of our pre-service training last year we wrote a letter to ourselves for the one year mark. I had no idea what I had written, and I was expecting something fairly goofy. However, I was floored by what I had written to myself. I was on cloud nine at the end of training. I was one of the top trainees at learning one of the dialects, I had a good relationship with staff, and with many of the PCVs. I excelled in a way that I hadn’t before in any other job, and certainly not at school. Yet, despite having every reason to pat myself on the back, and to say well done, my words were brutally honest and humbling. I’ll give a small sample of what I wrote.

“Humility is said to be the greatest virtue and it feels like anathema to me. It fills me with great joy, yet a deep troubling feeling given compliments such as that all of me impresses, or I light up someone’s life. Perhaps I am just scared that if I accept these compliments, these friendships too willingly I will falter from myself and no longer deserve this love that has been given to me.”

At the time I wrote it, I was expecting that perhaps in one year’s time I would be arrogant having ridden that cloud the whole way. I was trying to tell myself that even though humility is hard to swallow sometimes, not to lose myself to pride, and to always make sure I earn people’s respect, and don’t abuse it. Suffice to say I wasn’t on that cloud any more when I read it, but it was a good reminder to who I was, and to who I wanted to be.

On my actually birthday the next day I went to work as usual. I skipped the flag ceremony cause well… the flag ceremony’s boring and it was my birthday. For lunch, I cooked up some non-Filipino spaghetti. Noodles, Italian style sauce, ground pork, and oodles of spices. Whereas in America we get treated for our birthday, in the Philippines you treat others. When I told people at my office about American-style birthdays, they thought I was joking at first. They liked the spaghetti, and that was it. I’m twenty-five now.

Two Big Projects

So I mentioned that I now feel like I have the potential to really get things done. There are two projects I have that will be great if they can be accomplished.

The first is the training I’m training to arrange for the youth government (SK) in the province. I got a list of ten things that the SK is struggling with. Most of them are ways of self improvement such as communication, time management, ningas cogan which I’ve mentioned before and will talk about below. A few are from outside their organization such as lack of funding, and no guidance from those who know about governance. The first part of the training will be to create a list of strengths and resources the SK has, and using those trying to come up with a solution to their challenges one by one.

The second half will be a modified project design and management session. I’ll give them as many organizational methods and strategies I can, give them hard and digital copies for reference, and try to give them the confidence to give them a try. I feel confident the training will happen, the question is how many members I can get to come. I’ve asked two from each municipality to attend. Hopefully most or all will. If successful, I have a feeling I’ll be asked to help organize a similar training for the different municipalities which is a step below the province. That’s a lot of trainings, but we’ll face the hurdle if it comes.

The other project is to help build a PYAP from scratch. The PYAP is an organization similar to the SK, but for the out of school youth. It’s an organization that is supposed to help out of school youth get opportunities for leadership and critical thinking, and for them to use those skills to help younger youth as well. It’s an organization that is mandated by law to exist where there are out of school youth, but sadly there is no enforcement. This is a project my supervisor at site and I have talked about a lot, and I’m going to start now. I’m going to work with all fifteen barangays (perhaps just fourteen as our furthest one may not be reachable right now due to the rainy season [barangay=community that has government officials]) and to facilitate the organizing of the youth in the coming months. I’m going to need partners in every barangay to help me, and to eventually be the adult leaders that assist the PYAP once its formed. It has to be every barangay individually at first because I’ve come to learn that each one is unique, and each will need its own approach. If we can get this to be successful, it will give opportunities to the youth who currently have none, and create leaders out of many of them. I think many of the future successes of the Philippines are going to have to come from the out of school youth, and this is the best organization for that right now.  

Batch 271

I had the privilege of being a resource volunteer for Batch 271 during their Supervisor’s Conference. In part because I have a great supervisor who came with me, in part because I have really close beliefs to the Peace Corps staff about our work in the Philippines, and in part because staff has yet to find out about my mysterious, dark, and alluring secrets, I was chosen to help facilitate some of their sessions. There’s quite a few changes that have been made in the past year. One is a focus on getting more older and experienced volunteers. Another was to only teach Tagalog this year as opposed to half Tagalog, and half other regional dialects. At the request of PNVSCA, the Filipino agency that coordinates all foreign volunteers, and the Department of Education (in the Philippines), the majority of them will be clustered in Romblon, Bicol, and Negros. None of those are close to me. The nearest volunteer is in the province of Tarlac, and is probably about a four hour drive away. So on one giant positive, it was great to actually meet them, and talk a bit, knowing that I wouldn’t have met many of them otherwise.

I think the session went well. Some of them were pretty dry (the importance of monitoring and evaluation!!!), but I tried to joke when I could, and to be as casual by treating the trainees as equals to me rather than the new kids. When you’re in the position of training others, it’s very easy to slip into a dominant role and to talk down to the people you’re teaching, but I did my best to avoid that and make it more like I was having a conversation. I’ve had a lot more success with that approach. For me, my job that week was fairly easy. Many of the session were conducting by our staff in Manila. Some of the sessions I ran were to simply give instructions to the new CYF volunteers and their supervisors, and then to let them work one on one. My last session with the new CYF volunteers was a forty-or-so minute question and answer, giving them a chance to clarify things, and to get an honest answer for some of their concerns.

No romance for me that week. I say this because several volunteers from my batch asked me, so I figure it may be a question out there for people. I kept it professional. Over seventy volunteers applied for like twenty or so resource volunteer positions. Being there was a privilege, and I was there to help  the new volunteers get through the trainings and to be a resource for their concerns during a stressful time, not to put out a single’s add for myself. Besides, I’m holding out for Toni Gonzaga, famous singer, and talk show host in the Philippines! It’s destined to be! :P

I found myself at the end of the conference questioning how good of a job I did despite glowing feedback from many of them, though. I think that in part it tied back into my letter to myself that although the compliments meant a lot to me, I always am hesitant to let it get to my head too much.

There is one compliment I received in particular though which was moving, and which does make me think I’m on the right track, is hard to fully accept. The oldest volunteer in the new batch is in his early 80s. Whereas I was working mainly with the Child Youth and Family volunteers, he was an Education volunteer. However, he spoke to me in the hall when I was walking out of my room and going to the lobby. He told me that I had a way about me, that there was a subtlety there. The expression on his face was the same as if he had said that I’m going to go far in life. It was an indirect way of him telling me I was a good person, but the way he said meant a lot more. I don’t know how to fully capture that compliment, but I think I’m doing a lot of things right to have gotten it, and hopefully I’ll continue to earn it.

If I had one regret from the conference was that I didn’t get to know the new volunteers well enough. I got to know some of my fellow resource volunteers a lot more than before, as well as the staff, and I did have many conversations throughout the week with the new group. I suppose it’s that I’ve gotten to know people from my own batch so well after over a year, that meeting a new group and only having five days felt like it wasn’t enough. Obviously I can’t be best buddies with all 67(?) of them, but hopefully I can stay in touch with many of them, cause we’re all in the same boat, just not with the same timing.

Fire

I’ve mentioned ningas cogan a lot before, but I only just found out its literal translation. It means buring grass in Tagalog. The fire is there, but grass burns quickly. I learned that there’s also an expression for the opposite, ningas bao. Bao is the tagalong word for coconut shell, which takes a long times to burn. I had been debating internally on how much I wanted to talk about ningas cogan. I do think it is one of the biggest challenges at site, and it is an acceptable excuse for things not to get done in the Philippines far too often, but I felt a lot of the times when I brought it up, I was giving power to the term, that I was giving people an excuse by telling them I knew what I was asking for might not happen. I think ningas bao gives me what I want. Using that term instead can help me address the issue, to do it with the positive instead of the negative, and it will be a term that was coined by Filipinos to inspire them.

For my projects with the SK and the PYAP, I feel like I’m walking with fire. I’m trying to ignite to interest and the enthusiasm of the community to accomplish more. I’ll encourage them, motivate them, get them together, help them think through challenges, help them organize, but they are either the grass or the coconut shells, the success is up to how long they’re willing to let the fire burn.

And that’s the Peace Corps. To offer my unique skillset and perspective, but to ultimate let the real work lay in the hands of the people themselves. If there was another way where I could put it all on my shoulders I would in a heartbeat, but I’m going to trust the people I’m working for and with, and if these two projects fall through, I’ll go back to the drawing board and try again.

What’s to Come

I’ve just started learning Tagalog. My Ilokano isn’t perfect, but I can run just about any session I want in Ilokano, and I can communicate pretty naturally as I go about my errands, or talk about work, or even joke with people. However, when I travel down south to other sites, or to Manila, I feel pretty much like a tourist. Between that, and knowing the national dialect is a good talent in and of itself, I’ll give it a whirl.

I took a look at a T’ai Chi book. After reading a bit more on it, it seems to be quite difficult to get good at, so I’m going to hold off on that one, and maybe get an instructional video for Christmas or something.

Mid Service Training is in October. It’s the last training we get, and the last time the entire batch is together until our closing of service.

My dance instructor moved to Baguio. Need to get a new one.

Also got an email saying that I’ve finally been matched with a teacher in America to communicate back and forth between me and their students. It took a year about for it to happen as I heard most teachers want volunteers in Spanish speaking areas. So we’ll see how it goes.

As always, thanks for reading. Hopefully another update in a few weeks. Maybe one with a lot of short stories. 

One Year and Thoughts

This post is going to be a little different. It’s going to be more stream of consciousness. I’ll talk about some of my thoughts on being in the Philippines for over a year now, about development work, and about me. I’ll give a forewarning that a lot of it’s not positive. Then again, if everything were bright and sunny I wouldn’t exactly be doing my job. Whatever I say below are challenges I’ll either be taking head on, trying to move around, or accepting as a part of life, probably in that order.

I’m still committed to being here, and I don’t regret joining the Peace Corps at all.

One Year

I’m not the kind of person to hold a lot of weight to anniversaries. I’ll probably celebrate my birthday but only because my coworkers are insisting. The one year mark in the Philippines came and went, and the day wasn’t that different than any other. I’m of the mind that if you want to celebrate or party, do it for the sake of itself when you want. Don’t wait for special days, and don’t be afraid to make days that aren’t special more meaningful.

So of being here a year in and of itself hasn’t really offered any revelations, no deep insights to pull from.

My Role as a Development Worker

The first thing is that the Peace Corps's primary goal is not development. Of three goals the Peace Corps has worldwide, only one is sustainable development, and it’s the least important to its mission. The other two are about cultural exchange. The Peace Corps is primarily about improving relations, about making a better cultural awareness on both sides. During my service, I will be an ambassador for the US, when I come home I’ll be an ambassador for the Philippines.

Of course to many of us volunteers as individuals including me, it’s the development aspect that drew me to the Peace Corps. However, whatever I accomplish on that front is really extra credit to my organization.

Most of the projects I have proposed on my own have failed, or are still having trouble getting off. From morning stretches, to teaching about presentational skills, to trying to youth to do service projects, they’ve yet to be successful. Those that have worked, or show more promised have come from my coworkers and community. It makes sense. They know a lot more about their culture and wants and needs than I do. My best bet is to use the people of Dupax to come up with what they want changed, what they want the end result to be. My role then is going to be to show them HOW to do it. How to organize, how to recruit volunteers, how to create a system of responsibility to ensure people go through with what they say. It’s the one area where I have more experience than them, running successful programs and projects.

The Hardest Part

The hardest part of a Peace Corps service isn’t cross cultural communication. I just try to learn from my mistakes, accept that I won’t always be right. Not a big problem. It’s not the work. Once again, not everything I do is going to be successful. Things get pushed back, things turn out differently. It’s all okay too. The problems that really plague us are the same personal issues that affected us back home. Strained relationships, dealing with our own personal shortcomings, losing faith now and then. In the end the thing that kicks our asses the most is just daily living. There’s one small twist though.

In America I have family and friends to fall back on. I have my favorite food and relative luxury to cushion me. I know my place in America, and that supports me. Here it’s not so easy. When I’m so clearly on outsider by my appearance if nothing else, when the food’s for sustenance more than comfort, when sometimes all I have is the four walls of my apartment, I have only myself to look at, and my own thoughts to dwell on.

And boy do I make amazing company to myself!!!

But seriously it has made me question a lot of myself. My own hubris for one. Questioning my passion for both development work and politics and the general direction I want to go after my service for two. Whether I’m up to accomplishing my goals personal and professional for three. I know these question are a hell of a lot better than if I’m going to have enough to eat, how can I pay the bills, the sorts of things many people here, and back in America are asking. Still, it does weigh me down from time to time.

Then there’s unrequited feelings. I’m not going to go into a lot of details, but just to say that in the Peace Corps, there’s only so many people you know who share your culture, your dreams, and who can understand you when you talk about the challenges you face. We’re not the saints the media sometimes likes to portray us as, optimistic (or naïve) young people giving up our luxury to live in squander. Most of us are here to build up professional experience, and though we’re lacking a lot of luxury from home, we have more going for us than you’d think. However, there are still a lot of special people here, and though we’re not saints, it does take a special kind of person to do this. It’s a shame that things don’t work out sometimes, and it’s damned hard to find peace within oneself and the world when the wind stops pushing your sails, but it’s those times when I can see myself more clearly.

And boy am I perfect!!!

Or far from it. Regardless, the past few months have been the most challenging, but I think I’m getting myself back up. In fact…

What I Want to Do

I really want to get cracking and work right now. The whole municipality is pushing the Child Friendly program now that we have some regional evaluators. Naturally I did not find out about it until the day before, still needing a week to get my own ideas together. My goal is to push the municipality towards dealing with problems I’ve had the local youth tell me about. Youth alcoholism, lack of opportunities, child illiteracy. If I can point the Mayor and the others to speaking about that, I can help. If not… back to square one.

I also want to really pick up on my reading. Fiction and non-fiction. Use the time I have here to learn as much as I can. I have some books on entrepreneurship, appied economics, work with children, ecology, and a couple others. Break it up with some fiction, and hopefully I’ll start reading more and more.  Also, want to make my dance lessons more regular. Really want to get good at that. Enough to where I can show off some stuff and look good and confident while doing it. I want to pick up some capoeira cause that stuff looks really fun (though that’ll be on my own, we don’t have it in Dupax). Finally, I’m going to try to be modest with my working out, and build it up slowly. It’s a far cry form my usual push myself until I burn out, but I am trying to adapt and learn from past mistakes.

To do it I’ll have to drop time on the internet. Having regular access to internet at my site is a blessing and a curse. Drop most (but not all) of the frivolous stuff, and replace it with being more productive. Need to sleep earlier and quit staying up late cause I’m thinking about too many things. Also going to need some more self discipline to pull from somewhere.

The Philippines

Never, ever underestimate anyone. It’s one of my credos. Filipinos are NOT* stupid, they’re not ignorant. The Philippines is infamously known by the development community as not growing in proportion to the aid given compared to other countries, like Mongolia who’s soon looking to end the Peace Corps because they’re doing so well.

A lot of the problem is corruption. I feel confident saying this because it’s what Filipinos tell me. If you look it up on your own I’m sure you can find more information on it.

There’s also ningascogan, a Tagalog word that describes people saying they’ll do a project, or act interested, but then don’t show up or give up. There’s not a strong emphasis on getting the job done. The intent is there, the ideas are there, but following through takes a commitment that isn’t taught to them. It’s the thing I keep stressing to people in my community as the problem, at least the one I can help with.

There’s also critical thinking. Ask an American child their favorite animal or color, and they’ll go off on what it is and why. Ask A Filipino child the same question and they’ll be confused, or they’ll point to whatever color they’re wearing. Once again, it’s not that people don’t think critically, but to do so one has to step outside of what they’ve been taught.

I’m not sure how to address the above yet. The corruption I can’t touch, it’s strictly against Peace Corps policy. The other two… I’ll be having a lot of conversations with the locals to get some ideas.

It’s About Making Things a Part of Who You Are

It’s not a big deal to go to ride in a jeepney, or to have a conversation in Ilokano. I went to a 4^th of July function where the Ambassador was. Shook his hand, and took a picture with some other volunteers. That wasn’t that big either. Definitely cool, but not eye popping or jaw dropping.

I’m trying to live as part of the Philippines to the best of my ability and background, as opposed to living opposed to it, or even beside it. It’s by making those little things day to day natural, that I can focus on what’s really important, like all of the above. Cause frankly, if I let the little differences weigh me down to, you may here of  a case of spontaneous combustion in the Philippines.

What’s to Come

More than any other time I’ve been here, I’ve had less of an idea of this. Knowing the unpredictability of things, and with so much potential for success and failure with projects, and choosing my priorities for my own goals of self improvement and growth, a lot’s up in the air. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll help train the new batch which have arrived already at the end of August. Humility will be the word I’ll emphasize.

I don’t think my second year in the Philippines is going to be anything like my first. I do think it’ll be better, and I think I’m heading in a good direction.

Also, send me recommendations for music. I’ll check it out on youtube. Music’s antoher thing I’m trying to get more into.

‘Til next time

PS And forgive any typos, I’ll try to edit those out next time. Figured I’d post it now while I have the time, and revise later.  

*My original posting of this update lacked the word "not", which made it look like I was calling Filipinos stupid, the exact opposite of what I was trying to say. Suffice to say my experiment of posting without revising proved why my English teachers were right all throughout grade school.

Still Moving Along

My Place

Finally some pictures of my place! It’s a lot like the apartment I had back during my Senior year of college. Rent is 2500 pesos a month, and it falls under the rent allowance by Peace Corps Philippines. I just recently cleaned it up, and rearranged things. I have a lot more room now.

Due to odd formatting reasons the pictures are on the bottom of the post.

Piercing the Veil

Community work is all about building relationships. Doing my job eight to five doesn’t cut it. I’ve been trying to open up more and more with people, and it’s paying off. I feel I’m finally getting truthful and in depth answers about my town, and I’m starting to understand the challenges they are facing and why. As much as I wanted the answers to be clear and cut, the people here are not ignorant. They live in a situation where there are no easy solutions for progress.

I had an idea for the out of school youth. If the municipality would pay for poor youth to go to school (reimbursement for not contributing to the farm or shop), then the kids could get a high paying job after high school and the money would come back in taxes. However, the answer I got from everyone was that kids don’t make more if they graduate high school. College maybe (though jobs are competitive for college graduates too). No doubt going to school still has so many benefits, but when trying to convince people to send their kid to school which won’t give them more money, when they could learn their trade now isn’t easy, especially considering the lack of quality in education here.

I’ve also learned a lot more about corruption in the Philippines. I’m not going to go into too much detail on this one as you can read up on it pretty easily on the side, and it’s something I can’t really address in my work as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Politics is a no-no for volunteers. One example I’ll cover briefly is the illegal mining. In the mountainous, rural areas, there’s a lot of illegal mining going on, it’s the best source of income for people there, but the environmental damage is quite tangible as flooding over the past years during the typhoons have sharply gotten worst due to deforestation. However, without a strong enough infrastructure to enforce the law, and without a strong desire to enforce it either, it continues.

Also related to learning about my community more, I asked our new interns to make some SMART goals (specific, measureable, acceptable, realistic, and time bound) for our child friendly municipality program. As youth form Dupax I thought they were most able to come up with ideas. I finally got them to create goals that met the criteria, but I still didn’t like them. The issue was that there wasn’t a lot of passion behind the goals. So, I’ve asked them not to focus on the goals, but to think about what changes they want for youth in their community, what do they feel strong about. We’ll see if that yields better results.

The Hardest Part of Service

You’d think that typhoons, inter-cultural communication, or living in a hut in the middle of nowhere would be the biggest problem a volunteer faces. At least in my case, the typhoons are manageable, communication is steadily improving, and as you saw from the pictures above, I do not live in a hut in the middle of nowhere. The hardest challenges I’ve had to overcome have been just regular life problems that can happen at home. Struggles of friends, news from back home, personal feelings, all make the new problems I’ve faced in an unfamiliar place pale in comparison. Life is still life in the Peace Corps. Things don’t go on hold just because I’m somewhere else.

Where the change of scenery comes into play is when life hits hard, the safety net to fall back on isn’t as strong back home. It’s why it’s that much more important to keep doing whatever’s good, whether it’s working out, reading, learning new things, getting projects underway, and talking with friends made in service.

I’ll admit that I’ve had better days than as I write this, but I do have enough going for me to turn it around. Still wouldn’t trade in my service for anything.

What’s Happening and What’s Coming Up

A few knew hobbies I’m picking up. Started dance lessons. One of the interns (the bakla of course [look up what bakla means]) knows how to dance, and I’ve been learning from him. So far just the cha cha, and a little swing. Mostly it’s so I can participate during the intermissions at our functions, but also dancing’s one of those things that is pretty cool to watch when someone’s good at it, so why not be good at it myself? Also want to pick up Capoeira and T’ai Chi. Got a T’ai Chi book from our resource center in Manila, and I’ll scrounge through youtube to see if I can’t find some videos for the Brazilian dance fighting. I got seven other books mostly about development work and entrepreneurship ship to get through as well as a draft of a story my sister’s working on. Start with the latter, and start binging on reading to get through them all.

For my birthday July 30th I’m asking my mom and dad for an I-Tunes gift card. Since sending packages from there to here have gotten more challenging, I think the gift card will suffice. I’m all ears for any recommendations on what I should get.

Also, I’ve been selected to be a resource volunteer for the incoming batch. The new volunteers show up the first week of July. I’ll be facilitating the Child Youth and Family sector of volunteers during their Supervisor’s Training in late August. It’s when they’ll find out their permanent site and meet their new boss. My own supervisor Nereo will be helping me with the sessions.

Besides that I’ll just keep plugging away at getting things done at site. On Monday I’ll try to start three days of morning stretches for anyone who’s interested. An easy way to improve health in the municipal hall, or if no one comes, just an excuse for me to get to work early and get off on a good foot myself.

Oh, and yesterday was my one year anniversary of coming to the Philippines. I’ll have another post in a week or so about my thoughts on that. I’ll try to get some pictures of the community too.

Cheers.


PICTURES!

 Here's a look at the main room from the front door. I just rearranged things a bit to have more space.

 

Above is a closer view.

Below is a look into the bedroom. I cut my mosquitoe net into piece to cover the windows. I need to find some duct tape to secure it on the walls though.

The kitchen. On the left are the plastic bags I use to put trash in, and behind that my rack where I keep spices and a few other things. The fridge at the end doubled my electric bill, but that's the sacrifice for not needing to go to market every day.

The outdoor deck. You can actually see the street from here. Whenever I take a shower in the bathroom (or as they call it here, Comfort Room), I have to crouch really low so anyone driving or walking by can't see it.

And here's where the magic happens! On the right is the basin I fill up to shower, and in it is my dipper I use to pour the water on. The smaller green bucket on the left is for the mop when I clean, or to pour water into the toilet to flush it down.

Here's the view outside from the front. If you see the mountains in the back, that's where the far flung barangays are.

Here's a look at the building. On the ground floor there's an internet cafe and small snack shop. My place is on the second floor, furtherst on the left.

And below is a look at the street heading to my workplace. It's about a minute and a half walk away. Now that the rain's coming again, the proximity is nice.

Things Coming Together (For Now)

They say in the Peace Corps it normally takes at least six months to really get things started, a year isn’t uncommon. What happens in all this time? Getting used to the people, the people getting used to you, trial and error, building reputation, taking a week here or there for a Peace Corps training which works as half training, half a chance to catch up with the people you got to know during training and swap stories (and realize that almost all your issues at site are shared by dozens of others). Probably the biggest thing for me was figuring out what exactly I wanted to do for my community, based on their wishes, and what I can provide. I think I’m starting to get a handle.

As for pictures, I’ll save those for when I get up into the far-flung, mountain barangays again. At least, if I can get up there sometime this week or in May.

Three Things I’ve Done

PSK Training

I started my informal training with the Provincial Sanguniang Kabataan (the youth government). Although my site is only one of the 15 municipalities of the province, this project is covering a much larger area, or at least has the potential too. This was the Saturday before Easter (prompting me to cancel my Easter plans). We met in a small restaurant. There was the Provincial SK Chairman, and three others of the 15 municipalities. Four out of sixteen isn’t a lot, but it’s a good start.

I started with learning more about them, their current and previous projects. I also explained who I was, and what my job entailed. We then discussed critical thinking and its importance along with a few exercises such as describing objects without mentioning any physical characteristics. Next we talked about how to determine what project you want to do based on what the target community wants. Finished it off with discussing different leadership roles such as facilitator, mediator, teacher, advocate, etc.

For the coup d’grace, I gave them a task to find one or two community leaders who are not politicians or have anything to do with the local government. Just regular citizens who are helping the community in some way. Hopefully we can build a network of these people to help build a more sustainable support system for the youth leaders.

PACA

Participatory Analysis for Community Action. In English, it means activities that can generate more ideas and more accurate information for community projects than simply asking “What’s the problem?” One of the things my host agency asked for was stress management. It’s not my forte, nor am I particularly good at reducing my own stress when it matters (though getting better), but I don’t need to be an expert to at least run some activities to get a better idea of what the causes of stress are.

At our Monday flag ceremony, I told all the municipal workers about wanting to run an activity. I told them I’d put the signup sheet next to the place we all sign in and out. I did it all in Ilokano (save for the word “2^nd ” which I forgot [it’s maikaduwa]). I was planning on having it done the next afternoon. The next morning came and no signatures.

I was thoroughly annoyed, but decided to keep at it. I wrote on the signup sheet that I’d buy their meryenda (snacks) and that if I didn’t get any volunteers, I’d be sad, trying to egg on their hospitality. Something worked and I got enough volunteers. I moved it to Wednesday afternoon since I only got the signatures Tuesday. The next day came and I found out it was only a half day due to Holy Week. Crap.

So the following Tuesday (we had Monday off too), I finally got it done. I had four groups (women and men, single and married with each) write a normal 24 hour schedule, and write a yearly calendar with all the important seasons and events to them. The hope is to see if there are differences amongst the four groups, and if anything clearly shows why people are stressed in the office.

These activities work for other things as well other than stress.

Language Camp

This was an optional, not-quite-a-week, language training to give us a chance to learn a bit more specific to what we need at site (for example, I needed to learn how to describe critical thinking in Ilokano), and for the Peace Corps to gauge how our language is coming along. It was a regional event with only fifteen of the volunteers doing the northern dialect of Ilokano, or the more common Tagalog you can find around Manila and as a secondary dialect in most places. We had it in La Trinidad where I trained, and it was good to see some of the volunteers again, my old host family from training, and my language trainer, Ester. I also shopped for a blender, and a coffee maker (drinking 3 in 1 can’t be good for my health), but alas I think it’s cheaper in my province.

The highlight of it was getting the chance to talk to several of the volunteers in smaller groups, or even one on one. When all 50 or so of us in the batch get together, we form up in groups of eight and more. Although it’s nice to see everyone, I also relish the chance to talk to people and get to see how they’re doing more personally.

Three Things I Will Be Doing

Lecture at the Universtiy

If you recall, one of the potential projects that fell through in January was working with the nearby college of Nueva Viscaya State University (NVSU). I talked to Carlo, my contact point with the school, a few times on and off. I even visited the school and watched part of a day of presentations about the environment, where we talked some more. The plan was to have me present to X amount of students sometime early June. I discovered this last weekend that I will be giving a lecture to two different classes of education students, each about 75 in number, this Thursday. It’s a pleasant surprise to see something happen earlier than I expected.

Think I’ll cover critical thinking. More on this below.

Seminar on how to give a good Presentation

Poor PowerPoints, long lectures, and technical difficulties have been common themes here in the Philippines. It’s kind of like America in that way. I’ve taken the initiative to start helping people learn better ways to present. It’s set for this Friday for any municipal worker who is interested.

Child-Friendly Municipality

There is a country -wide push for places to be “child-friendly”. This hits its peak in October which is “Child-Friendly Month”, where there is a contest all across the Philippines. It’s a great idea, but the goals are very broad, generalized, and offer little direction. I’m hoping to work with my local SK to create some specific and measureable goals in a couple weeks when we have a small town fiesta. Not sure what the fiesta is for yet.

The Answers are Out There

The more I explore the web, and the more I talk to people in my community, I can see answers to our problems left and right. I’ve started watching a show called Earthrise. I see that the people her in Dupax are very aware and hold the same concerns that I do. I see the projects of other volunteers in the Philippines and abroad.

So why are things still bad?

Well first, consider that we have upped the bar on what’s acceptable and not in recent generations.

Second, think about how there are over 7 billion people now, each with their own set of problems on top of those issues shared amongst us.

This new theory of mine is actually hopeful. I feel now that I don’t have to worry about coming up with the answers to too many things in site, and for my work after Peace Corps. I just have to find out who already has it figured out and learn from them.

So What do I Want to Accomplish?

There are a few common themes I’ve seen that I’d like to help with. One of the big ones is critical thinking. I’ve discuss this with other volunteers, and it seems a pretty common situation where critical thinking just isn’t emphasized. I can get a youth to tell me information, but getting them to apply it, to use it in a different context, to conceptualize new ideas, I hit a wall. I’ve become pretty good at simplifying these things into Ilokano, and I’ve seen a little improvement in the responses. Critical thinking is something I’ll probably incorporate into almost everything I do from now on.

“Ningascigon” is a Tagalog word that describes it when people get excited to do something, but are nowhere to be found when it comes to do get it done. See? The Filipinos are more than aware of this cultural trait, they have their own word for it. This is something else I plan to address again, and again, and again, to try to change minds to make ningascigon as bad a word as I can.

In the Philippines there are a lot of out-of-school youth. It accepted, if not liked, for a child or teen to drop out. Starting with the Child-Friendly movement, and working with community partners, I want to establish a town culture that actively tries to minimize the number of dropouts, putting an effort into it that currently is not there.

Finally, PREPARATION! Cannot emphasize how much I want to push for more preparation.

A Final Story to Share

After language camp, I took a van ride through a winding road back to my province. Had a nice conversation with a bank manager who travels back and forth between home and work. It was dark by the time we got to where my stop was, and I got out… too early.

As the van pulled away, I picked up my bags to see that I didn’t know where I was. I knew we had passed the last town area before my stop, and I knew which direction to keep walking, but wasn’t sure on how far this walk was going to take. My first concern was since it was dark, traffic wouldn’t be able to see me. My second concern was that I was an American carrying a couple bags all by myself.

After five minutes I began cursing my stupidity.

After ten, a friendly young man offered a ride on his motorcycle (riding a motorcycle is a big no-no in the Peace Corps) which I declined.

After fifteen minutes, and realizing the next stretch of road I thought was my destination was not, I decided to call my supervisor and see if he knew how far I was as I told him what was around me.

After twenty minutes, and finishing the phone call, I knew where I was. It only took a few more minutes to get to the junction points where I could ride a trike the rest of the way back.

Lesson learned: Always be aware of my surroundings.

There are still bad days, but they have been becoming more infrequent. Health is up, and my daily routine of working out is getting close to what I want.

Keep you all updated.

Month-and-a-Half Update!

February, the Month of Getting Things Back on Track

Hubris. That is the best word I have to describe what happened January. I had my big Youth Leadership Summit in December, people came to me with potential projects to help with. Although I knew I still had a lot of work to do, I thought I was done being proactive to go after projects, and thought they’d all roll out in front of me.

Head-up-my-you-know-where. That’s another way to put it.

Point is it was a learning experience, and Febraury was not only rebuilding the links to the projects that just didn’t get started, but also developing new projects, trying to find new ways to reach certain groups (for example, the out of school youth in the upland, mountain barangays) and just generally trying to set things up for summer break, which in the Philippines is April and May.

Here are the nine potential projects I now have. Some of these are repeats of what’s already been brought up before. It’s doubtful all of them will pan out in the next couple months (in fact, I’ll get no sleep if that happens), but a lot of what I spent the month doing was making opportunities so that even if over half of them are postponed or fall through entirely, I’ll still have something to do. I’m putting a * by the projects I feel the most confident will work out and will get started soon.

1)      *Stress management in the office. I have the Mayor’s approval, and this is one of the things my site mentioned it wanted when requesting a Peace Corps Volunteer. I’ll start with some interviews and some activities to figures out the source of stress first. Then I’ll consult people who know more about it than I do.

2)      Training within the LGU on facilitation and presentational skills. That seems to be my biggest strength in the Philippines (well, except for being white and “nagwapo”). I can have some semi-formal sessions with anyone in the LGU interested in tuning their skills.

3)      *Applying specific, measureable goals to the municipality’s Child-Friendly, and Character First programs. Both are great in theory, but hopefully the local youth leadership and I can develop some specific objectives to aim at to get some more active participations and results.

4)      Newsletter form the LGU to the barangays. The idea is that if more people can be reached and told out projects from us, more people will support and get behind them. This was actually developed by one of my coworkers during out PDM training (explained below).

5)       Working with Nueva Viscaya State University and their extracurricular activities. This is one that was conceptualized in November, but hasn’t moved forward. Hopefully this summer break we can sit down and discuss exactly what kind of help they’re looking for.

6)      Working with Belance High School to get volunteerism started again. They’re an hour’s drive away, and have been busy with finishing the school year. Hopefully like NVSU, there will be time to get things started in the summer, in preparation of next school year.

7)      *Training the Provincial SK (youth leaders) with project design and management. This is actually a jump up for me. Though my site is only one of the 15 municipalities in Nueva Viscaya, this project is with the youth leaders of the entire province. Upon some discussions, I discovered they haven’t received the training they were supposed to. I’ve offered my services to help get them some training (and to tell them they can do it as many times as I can). Hopefully the motivated members will take me up on my offer whether it’s five or thirty.

8)      Another summit, this one for the out of school youth. Still need to meet them. I’m going on a few different angles now trying to get in touch through the Alternative Learning Systems, the Health department, and might even start through the Barangay Captains too. I don’t want to run any summit until I’ve met them and actually understand a few things such as a) how’s their English, how’s their Ilocano? b) how much schooling do they have? c) how much self confidence do they have? d) what do they want?

9)      *Training of trainers for other municipalities who want to run a leadership summit. There is interest, just need to get a date later this month or April to get it going.

In-Service Training and Project Design and Management (IST and PDM)

At the start of March I left my site for 11 days for a training event that marked six months at site. We started with our IST to cover just a few topics. After that, we had a counterpart come to do a several day “project design and management workshop”. Originally I wanted to bring the Provincial SK Chairmen, in charge of the youth, but sadly her finals were at the same time, so I ended up inviting a coworker. We went through the step by step process of making a project, and the newsletter idea stemmed from it. It was 80% my counterpart who developed the project.

Although the PDM was not designed for the volunteers, it did teach me two things. The first was how to run PDM session of my own. Number seven on my list above is exactly the same thing (I also plan on stealing the materials to we got during the workshop [and by stealing I mean humbly requesting]). The second thing I learned was ways to impart these skills to coworkers one on one. Creating projects and managing them are not easy skills, nor are they simple. However, running through it step by step really helped. It’s something to consider trying out with more coworkers in the future, on my own.

It was also nice to see everyone again. I hadn’t seen over half the volunteers in my batch since last September. It was great to catch on and swap stories both good and bad. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, that culture matters. I continue to find it easier and easier to get to know Filipinos, but I also understand that a common culture and a common work with all the other Peace Corps volunteers will always make them share a commonality that I love. One thing I’m going to be taking back with me once service is finished is a greater appreciation of how much we in America do have in common, both the good and the bad.

The Volunteer Advisory Committee (VAC)
As stated before, I’m one of five members from my group of volunteers elected to represent our batch in quarterly meetings to discuss policy, concerns, and initiatives with the staff. I had my first meeting on the 12^th along with the representatives of the previous batch.

But backtracking a bit, I had the opportunity to practice what I’d like to dub… hmm… uh… well I can’t think of a good way to blend the two words “Matt” and “politics” so we’ll just called it Matt’s politics. My first measure what to beg the volunteers in the region I’m representing for feedback. In the title of my first email I including at the end (Pretty please read with sugar on top!!). I further continued my begging tactic in the first short paragraph promising those who read that there was a useful link at the end, and some good information within the body of the email.

My second tool was humor. Let’s face it, policy and such just doesn’t strike everyone as sexy like it does me. At appropriate (and inappropriate) times I threw in a little tidbit, such as references Starbucks in reasosn why we needed our volunteer allowance raised and such.

My final trick was nagging. I did see quite a few people from my region before having the official meeting, and badgered them all for input.

Begging, joking, and nagging. The Matt Hirschinger way not only with politics, but in relationships too.

I’m single for some reason.

So the meeting came and went, and to sum up, it was educational. Being stuck between what the volunteers wanted, and what the staff wanted felt like being between a rock and a hard place at certain points during the meeting, but luckily we all share in common the desire for some good work to be done, and overall I think the meeting went well. There was also yet another reference to staff’s premature expectation for me to extend my service (which is a nice compliment, but it’s still too early!)

Sadly though, I am not VAC President. Although I maintain that I had a lot of success getting responses from my region using the Matt Hirschinger approach, and I did a lot to get to know staff better and listen to their own ideas, I have to admit the other guy is a better choice for the dynamics within the five of us. Somehow, through the elections we ended up with two people in their twenties, one male and female (the male is me!), along with the only three males of which one is in his thirties, one is 60, and one is in his early seventies. They are the only three male volunteers older than thirty in our batch. As the decision was made within the five of us, I think the right choice was made (not that the wrong choice [me]) wouldn’t have been acceptable in my book too.

And Where Do You Stand Now, Matt?

I’m not going to lie, right after the VAC meeting, I was in a slump for a few days. Manila and the surrounding areas is not my favorite place in the Philippines. The VAC meeting, although rewarding, had its stressful moments, and there’s a lot on my plate. Also I found out my electric bill doubled due to my fridge. However, getting back to my site, my home, my mood improved greatly. It’s a good sign when my site has become a place I feel comfortable and welcome too. I’m not looking to getting back to America for respite, nor my pre-service training site, but Dupax del Norte.

I’m content with the way things are moving at the moment, but am being more active this time around. If at least two projects don’t get underway by the end of next week, that contentment will fade really fast, but that’s then, and this is now.

My next big thing is to follow a stricter day to day schedule. My temporary plan is bed at 9:30, get up at 6:00. We’ll see if it works. Basically, I want time to work out and go to market if need be before work at 8:00. Whether or not I have to resolve and discipline remains to be seen. (Perhaps I can use the Matt Hirschinger approach on myself too?)

A Thought on Community Development
There is a method to the madness. I’ve learned a number of tools and activities in the Peace Corps, most of them focusing on how to determine what the project is. After all, I’m here to help the local community with what they want, not with what Whitey (that’s me!) wants. It’s kind of tedious, and lacks the romanticism of jumping into the thick of things, but after trying both methods, the thorough and structured way works so much better. Community development isn’t the only topic like this. I remember my time at the youth shelter in America prior to leaving, one of the workers there used the phrase “What are two things you are good at?” to calm down a young male resident at the shelter. It was a line she learned in the classroom, it was scripted, but it worked. She had doubts about using it, and it being fake, just as I’ve had doubts about going through methods and tools just so people can find out what they want, but if it works, it works.
So the lesson learned here is that there is knowledge already out there on what is effective, in a wide variety of subjects. Whatever your career, whatever your interests, find those sources from those that have done it before. As smart as each of us thinks we are, there were those before us who figured out a lot, and it does no good to reinvent the wheel. Don’t be afraid to tweak things to your own style, and to the situation at hand, but respect what others have come up with too.

What’s Next?

In a few weeks I’ll have another post up. I’m thinking another picture heavy blog post is due. Pics of my place, the community, and maybe some of the projects if they get up and running.

‘Til next time.

Carnival Mirrors

I was once told by a Volunteer Leader (a Peace Corps Volunteer who extends his or her service for an entire year, and takes on extra duties and responsibilities) that the Peace Corps brings out things in people that they never knew about themselves. It was more than just learning a few more likes and dislikes, but more on the lines of what true strengths and inner demons you possess. Having a vastly different diet, being in an unfamiliar work environment, and being surrounded by people with starkly different values then me has made me learn a lot about myself, things I could never have learned in the comforts of my own home and culture. It’s not that I’m a different person than who I was before, but it feels like looking at myself in a carnival mirror, where I can definitely tell it’s me, but things are very distorted from what they once were.

Learning how to Live from Scratch

I moved into my new apartment January 7^th. Got my stuff in, slept the night and… things got more difficult. The most prevalent challenge was that I expected I would be able to have the freedom to live closer to how I had back in America. Unfortunately that’s going to be something I have to earn. I tried really getting into a good, solid workout plan, but then forgot to make a diet to accommodate that new workout plan. Suffice to say I didn’t get too many days in before I crashed. So, taking a step back, remembering to consider my health as a whole (not just the working out part) and I’m going to give it another go here pretty soon.

Cleaning my apartment was another challenge to face and one I’m still getting together. Although I’ve made my initial sweep (as well as a secondary and tertiary), but I’ve got a bit to go before I’m satisfied. In particular, the ants have been a major obstacle. My honest estimate is that I’ve sprayed between 1,000-1,500 of the little monsters. They are starting to appear less frequently, so I’m crossing my fingers.

Oh, and to say my apartment was unfurnished is an understatement. I had a sink, a faucet in the bathroom and one outside, and they gave me a bed frame when I asked. That’s it. No fridge, no stove or cook top, no cabinets, no closet. I’ve gotten almost everything now (and I’m really, really glad I saved my money during pre-service training). Only things left are a mirror, a pot, a non-stick pan (have pan, but it’s not non-stick), a large bucket, a plastic holder for all my dishes and silver wear, and decorations for the wall. Also might need to get something for a guest to sleep on if I intend anyone to come over.

I’m really glad I did spend the year alone my senior year of college to help me get at least somewhat prepared. Though I’m learning how to cook without a microwave or oven. Learning how to do laundry without a washing machine. Learning how to shop at a town market instead of a grocery store.

Getting Sick

One night I felt really bad. My head hurt, and I felt a little queasy. The next day I went out to meet some other volunteers for lunch, and as the day went on my headache turned into a blinding migraine, and I couldn’t even get halfway through my lunch. I went to the doctor, and for the next few days took some pain medication, and had my blood drawn to test to see if I had Dengue.

Luckily it turned out just to be a virus (a nasty one) and it passed. However, it was a bit stressful seeing as my white blood cell and platelette count dropped from one day to the next. Also, as someone who has probably had less than five migraines their entire life, I learned what it’s like to have enough pain in my skull to make even walking really, really hard.

I relied heavily on the Filipinos at my site and was really grateful for their hospitality.

Peaches

When I studied abroad in China, we had a guest professor speak to us during our orientation to Peking University. He told us that the Chinese were like coconuts and that Americans were like peaches. The Chinese are very hard on the outside, and not caring of strangers. However, once you pierce that outer shell they are your dearest friend, will share everything with you. Americans on the other hand are soft on the outside, willing to show compassion to people they don’t even know, but they have that hard core they won’t let anyone get into. We Americans have that “true self” that we protect, that we don’t let anyone into. 

Obviously this doesn’t describe everyone, but I think it’s something which accurately describes me. I’m more prone to say a cheesy joke than to let out my deepest thoughts and feelings. My time in the Peace Corps has challenged this, and I’m glad for it. Recently we had a debriefing where nine of sharing the same sector (Children, Youth, and Family volunteers) and in the same region of the Philippines (northern Luzon) got together to share our experiences and concerns, an event organized by the staff at headquarters. At the end, we went around in a circle and we gave compliments to one another. Never in my life has a group of people so unanimously figured me out.

My fellow volunteers brought up not only things that I had done during service so far, but complimented me on things that I’ve striven to be, yet haven’t told anyone about. One girl who trained with me told me about how I really work on trying to be a better person, that I’m always trying to improve myself. Another volunteer, and of those at the debriefing the one I felt I knew the least, told me that I give off the vibe of ‘we can all get along’, but does so in a way that isn’t patronizing and the she can sort of believe. The ‘why don’t we get along’ sentiment is at the heart of my political and societal views, and to be told that I express it naturally, just giving it off as a vibe, was a very powerful moment for me.

Comparing countless times of when I held back a though because I thought it was too serious, or not interesting, to that debriefing session when I felt that my fellow volunteers had me figured out, I don’t think I want to be a peach anymore. 

Visiting a Friend

This last weekend I visited a fellow volunteer in Cagayan, the far northeast of the Philippines. It’s about six or so hours from my site. In the Peace Corps travelling time is a lot different than back home. America, or at least the American suburbia I’ve grown up in, is about convenience. It’s about short trips to the store, to the movies, to a coffee shop. A friend or family member six hours away is a long, long ways away.

Not so here in the Philippines.

Don’t get me wrong, I have made some Filipino friends. I enjoy hanging out with coworkers, talking to people in the community, but the people I have the most in common with are my fellow volunteers. They are the people I share common problems with, share a knowledge of back home with, shared experiences with during pre-service training, and share the Peace Corps with. Although I can’t take a six hour trip every weekend to see other volunteers, it wasn’t a very hard decision to make this time around. Twelve hours of travel time wasn’t so bad for hanging out Friday night to Sunday late morning.

I hope I can keep this change in me when I go back to America.

Volunteer Advisory Committee

The Peace Corps has several committees and groups volunteers can join on top of their work at their respective site. These aren’t groups like a high school clubs where anyone can join. Everything from the HIV/AIDs awareness group to the Peer Support Network to the Diversity Committee all have a vetting process. Some are the Peace Corps staff selecting the most qualified volunteers, at least one has its new members determined by the members from the previous batch. The Volunteer Advisory Committee, the group that determines policy change and works and communicates between volunteers and staff, is determined by voting.

My batch of now 52 (I think) volunteers had a total of five VAC representatives to pick, one for each sector (education and child, youth, and family) and one for each region (northern Luzon, southern Luzon, and Visayas). I ran for my region (northern Luzon) and luckily enough ran unopposed. The other four races all had competition.

So now I represent 25 (including myself) volunteers as far as letting the staff know our wants and needs, and trying to improve and strengthen the Peace Corps Philippines program as whole. First meeting is in March. I’m really hoping I can do a good job.

What I See in the Mirror

The month of January has been about self reflection overall, and I’m happy to say most of it has been positive. There have been some negative things. I’m not happy to learn how challenging just taking care of myself was right after moving out, though I’m getting the hang of it. Also can’t say I’m pleased with how a bad migraine left me hunched over, sitting down, not wanting to move a muscle (I’m supposed to be a badass who can handle any amount of pain, darn it!).

Still, I’m happy right now, and my recent trip has helped me get focused so this week I’ll be pushing hard on all the projects I’ve been talking about, of which only one so far is now underway.

Whereas the self reflection of January has been great, I’m hoping February’s theme will be something more on the lines of getting things done at my work place, and getting the community active and involved.