I was once told by a Volunteer Leader (a Peace Corps Volunteer who extends his or her service for an entire year, and takes on extra duties and responsibilities) that the Peace Corps brings out things in people that they never knew about themselves. It was more than just learning a few more likes and dislikes, but more on the lines of what true strengths and inner demons you possess. Having a vastly different diet, being in an unfamiliar work environment, and being surrounded by people with starkly different values then me has made me learn a lot about myself, things I could never have learned in the comforts of my own home and culture. It’s not that I’m a different person than who I was before, but it feels like looking at myself in a carnival mirror, where I can definitely tell it’s me, but things are very distorted from what they once were.
Learning how to Live from Scratch
I moved into my new apartment January 7th. Got my stuff in, slept the night and… things got more difficult. The most prevalent challenge was that I expected I would be able to have the freedom to live closer to how I had back in America. Unfortunately that’s going to be something I have to earn. I tried really getting into a good, solid workout plan, but then forgot to make a diet to accommodate that new workout plan. Suffice to say I didn’t get too many days in before I crashed. So, taking a step back, remembering to consider my health as a whole (not just the working out part) and I’m going to give it another go here pretty soon.
Cleaning my apartment was another challenge to face and one I’m still getting together. Although I’ve made my initial sweep (as well as a secondary and tertiary), but I’ve got a bit to go before I’m satisfied. In particular, the ants have been a major obstacle. My honest estimate is that I’ve sprayed between 1,000-1,500 of the little monsters. They are starting to appear less frequently, so I’m crossing my fingers.
Oh, and to say my apartment was unfurnished is an understatement. I had a sink, a faucet in the bathroom and one outside, and they gave me a bed frame when I asked. That’s it. No fridge, no stove or cook top, no cabinets, no closet. I’ve gotten almost everything now (and I’m really, really glad I saved my money during pre-service training). Only things left are a mirror, a pot, a non-stick pan (have pan, but it’s not non-stick), a large bucket, a plastic holder for all my dishes and silver wear, and decorations for the wall. Also might need to get something for a guest to sleep on if I intend anyone to come over.
I’m really glad I did spend the year alone my senior year of college to help me get at least somewhat prepared. Though I’m learning how to cook without a microwave or oven. Learning how to do laundry without a washing machine. Learning how to shop at a town market instead of a grocery store.
Getting Sick
One night I felt really bad. My head hurt, and I felt a little queasy. The next day I went out to meet some other volunteers for lunch, and as the day went on my headache turned into a blinding migraine, and I couldn’t even get halfway through my lunch. I went to the doctor, and for the next few days took some pain medication, and had my blood drawn to test to see if I had Dengue.
Luckily it turned out just to be a virus (a nasty one) and it passed. However, it was a bit stressful seeing as my white blood cell and platelette count dropped from one day to the next. Also, as someone who has probably had less than five migraines their entire life, I learned what it’s like to have enough pain in my skull to make even walking really, really hard.
I relied heavily on the Filipinos at my site and was really grateful for their hospitality.
Peaches
When I studied abroad in China, we had a guest professor speak to us during our orientation to Peking University. He told us that the Chinese were like coconuts and that Americans were like peaches. The Chinese are very hard on the outside, and not caring of strangers. However, once you pierce that outer shell they are your dearest friend, will share everything with you. Americans on the other hand are soft on the outside, willing to show compassion to people they don’t even know, but they have that hard core they won’t let anyone get into. We Americans have that “true self” that we protect, that we don’t let anyone into.
Obviously this doesn’t describe everyone, but I think it’s something which accurately describes me. I’m more prone to say a cheesy joke than to let out my deepest thoughts and feelings. My time in the Peace Corps has challenged this, and I’m glad for it. Recently we had a debriefing where nine of sharing the same sector (Children, Youth, and Family volunteers) and in the same region of the Philippines (northern Luzon) got together to share our experiences and concerns, an event organized by the staff at headquarters. At the end, we went around in a circle and we gave compliments to one another. Never in my life has a group of people so unanimously figured me out.
My fellow volunteers brought up not only things that I had done during service so far, but complimented me on things that I’ve striven to be, yet haven’t told anyone about. One girl who trained with me told me about how I really work on trying to be a better person, that I’m always trying to improve myself. Another volunteer, and of those at the debriefing the one I felt I knew the least, told me that I give off the vibe of ‘we can all get along’, but does so in a way that isn’t patronizing and the she can sort of believe. The ‘why don’t we get along’ sentiment is at the heart of my political and societal views, and to be told that I express it naturally, just giving it off as a vibe, was a very powerful moment for me.
Comparing countless times of when I held back a though because I thought it was too serious, or not interesting, to that debriefing session when I felt that my fellow volunteers had me figured out, I don’t think I want to be a peach anymore.
Visiting a Friend
This last weekend I visited a fellow volunteer in Cagayan, the far northeast of the Philippines. It’s about six or so hours from my site. In the Peace Corps travelling time is a lot different than back home. America, or at least the American suburbia I’ve grown up in, is about convenience. It’s about short trips to the store, to the movies, to a coffee shop. A friend or family member six hours away is a long, long ways away.
Not so here in the Philippines.
Don’t get me wrong, I have made some Filipino friends. I enjoy hanging out with coworkers, talking to people in the community, but the people I have the most in common with are my fellow volunteers. They are the people I share common problems with, share a knowledge of back home with, shared experiences with during pre-service training, and share the Peace Corps with. Although I can’t take a six hour trip every weekend to see other volunteers, it wasn’t a very hard decision to make this time around. Twelve hours of travel time wasn’t so bad for hanging out Friday night to Sunday late morning.
I hope I can keep this change in me when I go back to America.
Volunteer Advisory Committee
The Peace Corps has several committees and groups volunteers can join on top of their work at their respective site. These aren’t groups like a high school clubs where anyone can join. Everything from the HIV/AIDs awareness group to the Peer Support Network to the Diversity Committee all have a vetting process. Some are the Peace Corps staff selecting the most qualified volunteers, at least one has its new members determined by the members from the previous batch. The Volunteer Advisory Committee, the group that determines policy change and works and communicates between volunteers and staff, is determined by voting.
My batch of now 52 (I think) volunteers had a total of five VAC representatives to pick, one for each sector (education and child, youth, and family) and one for each region (northern Luzon, southern Luzon, and Visayas). I ran for my region (northern Luzon) and luckily enough ran unopposed. The other four races all had competition.
So now I represent 25 (including myself) volunteers as far as letting the staff know our wants and needs, and trying to improve and strengthen the Peace Corps Philippines program as whole. First meeting is in March. I’m really hoping I can do a good job.
What I See in the Mirror
The month of January has been about self reflection overall, and I’m happy to say most of it has been positive. There have been some negative things. I’m not happy to learn how challenging just taking care of myself was right after moving out, though I’m getting the hang of it. Also can’t say I’m pleased with how a bad migraine left me hunched over, sitting down, not wanting to move a muscle (I’m supposed to be a badass who can handle any amount of pain, darn it!).
Whereas the self reflection of January has been great, I’m hoping February’s theme will be something more on the lines of getting things done at my work place, and getting the community active and involved.
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