Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Not Just Forward

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog. Mostly it was because just as I figured out how to say one new change, another one would come. The past months have been some of the most defining of my service, and I hope I can do them justice.

Slowing until Static
I’ve been continually saying that things were moving along, slowly but surely. Eventually they did grind to a halt, and it took me awhile to realize it. The person who I was working with fell off the radar, I found I was waiting with no actually dates or plans set up. Not only was trying to push forward myself not a smart move if I wanted to be successful, but I wasn’t actually sure how to do it. I didn’t know what was holding things back.

The main reason I extended was for this project, trying to get the out of school youth organized, and seeing signs of it falling apart even before my third year begins is tough. Although I do fully realize I’ve gambled on this third year, seeing the odds against me before I roll the dice is disheartening. Compound this with the local elections, making a lot of people preoccupied and busy, left me with a lot of free tiem at site to myself.

It didn’t last, as July came around, and with it a couple major events.

Full Circles
The first event was the newest group, Batch 272, arriving in the Philippines. A week prior I showed up in Manila to work with some of the Filipino trainers that have been hired to assist the new volunteers with language, technical, and cultural training, and then for two weeks I helped facilitate and support our opening conference, giving our newcomers the basics, and preparing them for their training.

Overall it was a great experience. It was good to meet new people, and it was a definite ego boost having dozens of Americans deeply interested in what I had to say, asking questions aobut my work, asking questions about service that I could answer. I remember thinking the resource volunteers when I first came to the Philippines seemed so grounded and wise, and it seems to have been the way some of them saw me. That being said, there were plenty of challenges.

First, I had a case of food poisoning the night before they arrived. They put me on some drowsiness-inducing medication for a few days to get over it. Trying to be a role model when your body is shutting down and trying to sleep by the early afternoon isn’t the easiest the trick to pull off, but I kept my poker face, and crashed after hours.

It was also the busiest I’ve been since I’ve been to the Philippines. The Philippines as a whole just works at a much more relaxed pace. Deadlines are less tangible, and there’s always tomorrow, or the next week. Going back to two weeks of work (plus overtime) was hard to get back into. Really glad I’m going to have the next year working half time in our central office to get me used to an American work pace again.

It was a time of a lot of full circles for me, seeing people whose shoes I was in two years ago, to be in the same spot people I looked up to were in, plus several small, but significant moments and events which brought me to the past, it was really rewarding.

The Resource Volunteers, currently serving volunteers who act as "resources" to the new group. Yes, I know I need to start considering a wardrobe change.

Watch me new batch, this is how you become a successful volunteer. 

The resource volunteer Talent Show entry, showing why cultural performances should be left to those who know what they're doing.
 

Stepping off the Pillar
Then after three weeks of feeling on top of things I returned to my site with a newfound eagerness and confidence to get the ball rolling again, and didn’t pull it off in the least. I forgot about what I’ve elarned these past two years and tried to push too hard, getting zero results. I found myself outside on the corner of the street, waiting for a trike to pick me up and take me to the laundry shop, entertaining the local kids just by standing there and looking different. Suffice to say it was a let down, getting pulled from so high back to reality, but it was also important.
I only had one week back in Dupax before once again I headed out, this time for my own batch’s Closing of Service (COS) Conference.
Saying Goodbye
Most of my group is now in the process of leaving, some as early as last week, the rest of them leaving over the next few weeks. They’ve completed their service, and at the end of July and early August we held our last conference together.
The Peace Corps isn’t the easiest experience. Not only do we work in an unfamiliar environment, but we’re forced to change and adapt to it. It’s a life changing period, and it’s not easy to let go. I should know, I haven’t yet. Still, people who had grown close to each other through the good and bad times were saying goodbye, we were trying to express the last two years, to put into words all the victories and hardships. Many of us were trying to cope with leaving the friends they’ve made in their communities, and return to America after being gone so long either to work their old jobs, go to grad school, or were uncertain about what they wanted to do.
Seeing everyone in a different place in their lives as they ready themselves to leave, some good, some bad, many in between, it made me questions where I was standing, both excited about the work I’ll be doing as PCVL, and with serious doubts about how things in Dupax had been going recently. Seeing everyone else recounting their own experiences, made my own come rushing back to me.
I think I left on a good note with everyone, and though I can’t say I know who I will and will not stay in touch with, I hope things go well for them. I put together a video of former returned volunteers talking about what it’s like to come home, and they all agreed it’s challenging. Just as we struggled to get used to life in the Philippines, so too will it be a challenge to go back and adjust to the way things were, and the things that have changed since we’ve been gone.
 
On my birthday. Chilling at the embassy grounds before the conference after my epic win in our swim race. 

 
Peace Corps Philippines Batch 270
 
Steps
So during my hiatus from blogging I’ve been down, then high, then down, then somewhere around limbo. In many ways I felt as if I was starting over in Dupax as when I got back I finally sat down and talked with our new Mayor. Introduced who I was, and what I’m doing. I’m trying to set up a time to talk to our SB (Sanguniang Bayan [the lawmaker of our municipality]) to get them onboard. The success of what I’m doing will come down to one thing, if I’m able to find community leaders who are active and interested in taking things over for me. Being gone half the time now, I don’t the flexibility in time, or the amount of presence in the town I need to lead it myself, and in the long term passing it on is something that needs to be done anyways. Once again I’m at a place of moving forward slowly, but at least moving.

It’s just an example that it’s not just moving forward. I’ve been standing still, steeping back, going side to side. It would be nice to always see progress every month, every day, but it’s been some good lessons learned, and I wouldn’t trade those away.

I official become the Peace Corps Volunteer Leader in September, and I’ll be hitting the ground running. Get as much as I can done before I head back to America for one month this November.

I’ll try to post more regularly (no promises). Talk a bit about the new responsibilities I’ll have, and thoughts on Peace Corps and development as a whole.