Not Just Forward

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog. Mostly it was because just as I figured out how to say one new change, another one would come. The past months have been some of the most defining of my service, and I hope I can do them justice.

Slowing until Static

I’ve been continually saying that things were moving along, slowly but surely. Eventually they did grind to a halt, and it took me awhile to realize it. The person who I was working with fell off the radar, I found I was waiting with no actually dates or plans set up. Not only was trying to push forward myself not a smart move if I wanted to be successful, but I wasn’t actually sure how to do it. I didn’t know what was holding things back.

The main reason I extended was for this project, trying to get the out of school youth organized, and seeing signs of it falling apart even before my third year begins is tough. Although I do fully realize I’ve gambled on this third year, seeing the odds against me before I roll the dice is disheartening. Compound this with the local elections, making a lot of people preoccupied and busy, left me with a lot of free tiem at site to myself.

It didn’t last, as July came around, and with it a couple major events.

Full Circles

The first event was the newest group, Batch 272, arriving in the Philippines. A week prior I showed up in Manila to work with some of the Filipino trainers that have been hired to assist the new volunteers with language, technical, and cultural training, and then for two weeks I helped facilitate and support our opening conference, giving our newcomers the basics, and preparing them for their training.

Overall it was a great experience. It was good to meet new people, and it was a definite ego boost having dozens of Americans deeply interested in what I had to say, asking questions aobut my work, asking questions about service that I could answer. I remember thinking the resource volunteers when I first came to the Philippines seemed so grounded and wise, and it seems to have been the way some of them saw me. That being said, there were plenty of challenges.

First, I had a case of food poisoning the night before they arrived. They put me on some drowsiness-inducing medication for a few days to get over it. Trying to be a role model when your body is shutting down and trying to sleep by the early afternoon isn’t the easiest the trick to pull off, but I kept my poker face, and crashed after hours.

It was also the busiest I’ve been since I’ve been to the Philippines. The Philippines as a whole just works at a much more relaxed pace. Deadlines are less tangible, and there’s always tomorrow, or the next week. Going back to two weeks of work (plus overtime) was hard to get back into. Really glad I’m going to have the next year working half time in our central office to get me used to an American work pace again.

It was a time of a lot of full circles for me, seeing people whose shoes I was in two years ago, to be in the same spot people I looked up to were in, plus several small, but significant moments and events which brought me to the past, it was really rewarding.

The Resource Volunteers, currently serving volunteers who act as "resources" to the new group. Yes, I know I need to start considering a wardrobe change.

Watch me new batch, this is how you become a successful volunteer. 

The resource volunteer Talent Show entry, showing why cultural performances should be left to those who know what they're doing.

 



Stepping off the Pillar

Then after three weeks of feeling on top of things I returned to my site with a newfound eagerness and confidence to get the ball rolling again, and didn’t pull it off in the least. I forgot about what I’ve elarned these past two years and tried to push too hard, getting zero results. I found myself outside on the corner of the street, waiting for a trike to pick me up and take me to the laundry shop, entertaining the local kids just by standing there and looking different. Suffice to say it was a let down, getting pulled from so high back to reality, but it was also important.

I only had one week back in Dupax before once again I headed out, this time for my own batch’s Closing of Service (COS) Conference.

Saying Goodbye

Most of my group is now in the process of leaving, some as early as last week, the rest of them leaving over the next few weeks. They’ve completed their service, and at the end of July and early August we held our last conference together.

The Peace Corps isn’t the easiest experience. Not only do we work in an unfamiliar environment, but we’re forced to change and adapt to it. It’s a life changing period, and it’s not easy to let go. I should know, I haven’t yet. Still, people who had grown close to each other through the good and bad times were saying goodbye, we were trying to express the last two years, to put into words all the victories and hardships. Many of us were trying to cope with leaving the friends they’ve made in their communities, and return to America after being gone so long either to work their old jobs, go to grad school, or were uncertain about what they wanted to do.

Seeing everyone in a different place in their lives as they ready themselves to leave, some good, some bad, many in between, it made me questions where I was standing, both excited about the work I’ll be doing as PCVL, and with serious doubts about how things in Dupax had been going recently. Seeing everyone else recounting their own experiences, made my own come rushing back to me.

I think I left on a good note with everyone, and though I can’t say I know who I will and will not stay in touch with, I hope things go well for them. I put together a video of former returned volunteers talking about what it’s like to come home, and they all agreed it’s challenging. Just as we struggled to get used to life in the Philippines, so too will it be a challenge to go back and adjust to the way things were, and the things that have changed since we’ve been gone.

 

On my birthday. Chilling at the embassy grounds before the conference after my epic win in our swim race. 

 

Peace Corps Philippines Batch 270

 

Steps

So during my hiatus from blogging I’ve been down, then high, then down, then somewhere around limbo. In many ways I felt as if I was starting over in Dupax as when I got back I finally sat down and talked with our new Mayor. Introduced who I was, and what I’m doing. I’m trying to set up a time to talk to our SB (Sanguniang Bayan [the lawmaker of our municipality]) to get them onboard. The success of what I’m doing will come down to one thing, if I’m able to find community leaders who are active and interested in taking things over for me. Being gone half the time now, I don’t the flexibility in time, or the amount of presence in the town I need to lead it myself, and in the long term passing it on is something that needs to be done anyways. Once again I’m at a place of moving forward slowly, but at least moving.

It’s just an example that it’s not just moving forward. I’ve been standing still, steeping back, going side to side. It would be nice to always see progress every month, every day, but it’s been some good lessons learned, and I wouldn’t trade those away.

I official become the Peace Corps Volunteer Leader in September, and I’ll be hitting the ground running. Get as much as I can done before I head back to America for one month this November.

I’ll try to post more regularly (no promises). Talk a bit about the new responsibilities I’ll have, and thoughts on Peace Corps and development as a whole.  

 



New Responsibilities and Old Questions

This blog post is long overdue. At the end of April I found out that my year extension was approved, and I was selected to become the new Peace Corps Volunteer Leader. Because there was no PCVL from the previous batch, I’m starting to take on the responsibilities early on. We’re still working out where I’m needed most, but starting in June, I’ll be away from my site roughly half of my time to assist our staff in Manila, or elsewhere in the country.

For those at home, I will have a required month leave in America sometime this Fall TBD, and then it’s a third year. My new closing of service date is October 22, 2014.

New Responsibilities

Although a lot of what I’ll do is still up the air, there’s a few ideas that have been passed around, plus a few things which are a given. First and foremost, I’m supposed to be a resource to both other volunteers and our staff. For the volunteers that’s mostly being a good role model, and being there for questions and concerns they have. I can also inform volunteers of staff’s perspective. Since I’ll be working closely with our staff, it gives me a chance to see firsthand why things are the way they are.

Batch 272’s pre-service training is coming up in July, which I’ll be a part of. Try to help them get a good set of expectations as they go into their service. Challenge them to learn the language not to pass the assessment, but to be able to work that much better with their communities. Emphasize that they are there to assess what the community wants, not push their own agenda. Understand that though not a lot of work will get done at the beginning of service, the relationships they build in the community is what will make the later part of their service exceptional. And so on.

Other potential jobs will be to do different assessments such as looking at potential sites for volunteers, seeing our success in different areas of the Philippines, seeing how well certain programs and committees work. There may be some tedious tasks such as database entries, but we all do our share with that kind of work. I’m also hoping to make sure we’re messaging as well as we can to our current national partners, and to find new ones as well. Perhaps network more with other foreign volunteer agencies.

Of course, this needs to be balanced with the work I’m already doing at site. Though I feel pretty confident I can get my work done at site only half the time there, the challenge will be schedule things. Postponement, rescheduling, lateness are common in the Philippines, and whereas before I’ve had a very flexible schedule, that won’t be the case anymore.

Foreigners!

I had the chance to go to a “Volunteer Sharing Session”. We had volunteers from Australia, Germany, Japan, Korea, the Philippines, and America. It was a lot fun getting to see other foreign volunteers and what problems were unique, and which ones affected us all. Know more people who work in Manila now which will be good since I’ll be in the city a lot more, and after the conference a pretty mixed group went to the volcano in Tagaytay. It wasn’t as if we could see lava, but there were spots where sulfur was coming out. At the top was the most serene and most quiet place I’ve been to in the Philippines.

Being around them made me want to learn more languages, and I think that it’s something I’ll be pursuing for the rest of my life. I’m lucky enough to be a native English speaker, but there were still a few moments here and there where I wasn’t able to connect with people as well as I wanted because of the language gap. I doubt I’ll ever be fluent in several languages, but at least enough to have some competency in everyday life. At least enough to show I’m putting forth the effort.

There were plenty of differences amongst us, but having the same kind of work, and most of us (even some of the Filipinos) dealing with a culture we don’t fully understand did make a clear connection to begin with.

Questions

As I take on my new role, I’ve been reassessing a lot of how I feel about my service, the Philippines, and life in general. After all, since very soon I’ll be in a position to influence over seventy incoming volunteers, I’d best have a good handle over my own beliefs as to what I’ve been doing. I’ve also been thinking about how I can convey those feelings onto other people in a way they can understand even though they haven’t lived through it yet. “You’ll have to see it for yourself” is the easy answer, and wouldn’t be in my character to take the easy answer out.

Manila in particular is a very hard city. I spoke of it a long time ago at the beginning of my service, where extreme wealth, and extreme poverty walk hand in hand. I see a mother spending the equivalent of my monthly allowance on a Barbie doll and shoes for her daughter in a department store, and scores of homeless people. I see men handing out fliers for prostitutes at the same corner of a mall with American amenities and fast food chains. The traditional Filipino hospitality mixes with a much more crowded, frustrated edge. Whereas in my own community I’ve developed a lot of relationships, and I can see potential for change, however humble, Manila is a strong reminder that I’m chipping pebbles away from a mountain.

What I have to tell myself though is that I’m not Atlas, that I would be if I could be, but I’m not. Hopefully I’m learning more and more, and setting myself up to do bigger and greater things as time goes on, even after the Peace Corps, and I’ll be able to influence others to do more themselves. The world’s always been full of problems, and although we can pick out everything that may not be as good as yesterday, the same can be said the other way around.

So as the new volunteers ready to come here, and as I prioritize what I want to communicate to them, I know I need to take the things that trouble me, that make me restless, that make me sad, and to use that to drive me, not to wear me down. Rather than throw my heart at every small (or big) problem I see, to take it in, and to let it inspire me for the work I can do, and will do. It’s easier said than done, but I’ll keep saying it in my head to help keep me on track.

Stories and Translation

Had a bit of a lull at the end of March. It was a good reminder that even when things are moving forward, sometimes all one can do is wait. Gave me a chance to catch up on the world news. Got back on a solid workout routine. Finally discovered a place to do pull ups (you’d be surprised how difficult it was to find a random horizontal bar I could use).

Have a few fun tales to share, and some more thoughts on service.

Adventure 2.0

Going to Bulala (a far off part of my municipality) is always a blast. I described my last time going there as going through the gauntlet, three epic trials. This last time proved no less interesting.

Once again, I had trouble getting one of the municipal vehicles, so I turned to the trusty dependable tricycle. This time the driver was a younger man, and we took a different turnoff. I had thought “oh, this must be an alternate route”, which in hindsight was kind of silly of me. Out in the rural areas they don’t have the luxury of alternate routes, there’s one road and one road only. Unfortunately I didn’t have my camera with me, but the path we turned off on was quite steep, and riddled with rocks and crevices. We were off-roading.

It was about ten or fifteen minutes going down that I finally asked the driver if he had been to Bulala before, and he said he hadn’t. So we stopped, and I took a look around, and said we’d better turn back. Only… we had a spot of trouble actually getting back. The trike didn’t want to go uphill, it kept getting stuck. What followed was forty minutes of pushing the trike up the hill, and jogging after it when it got ahead of me. The young man was pretty embarrassed about it, and kept apologizing, but I waved it off as good exercise.

Truth be told I wasn’t actually too concerned. We eventually got back up the hill, and though I was a good hour late to Bulala, I’m in a country that lateness is fairly common. I apologized and explained why I was late, and it wasn’t an issue after that. I talked about the out-of-school youth organization, gave the forms that needed to be filled out, and got the papers back two days later.

When I first came to the Philippines I would have been seriously stressed, checking my cellphone every couple minutes as I was more and more late. This time though, I just went with the flow. I did what I could, I learned a valuable lesson (speak up if we take a wrong turn!), and it turned out all right in the end.

Progress on my Project

Currently five barangays (barangay is an area of about 2,000 people) have supposedly gotten a list of interested out-of-school youth who want to be a part of the youth group. Three of the five have turned in an actual listing. I’ve gotten in touch with a microfinance group based in a city about four hours south of me (Cabanatuan), which hopefully I’ll be visiting in the near future. I read a book on microfinance during my stay here, but I don’t have any practical experience, so it’ll be a chance to learn from them, and see what we have to do to provide loans for our youth.

I may also finally be able to get to the two furthest barangays, two places I haven’t made it to after over a year-and-a-half at site. Barangays Yabbi and New Gumiad have their own unique situations, compounded by their distance. However, I may be able to visit them through the Department of Agriculture at my LGU at the end of May. It’ll be a chance to assess their own situation, and see how we can best include them in the project.

Speaking Out

One of the problems in the Philippines is the prostitution. It’s a cause of the spread of HIV in the Philippines. It’s a cause of human trafficking. There’s a growing sex tourism industry. When I’m in the provinces most people think I’m a missionary before talking to me. When I’m in Manila, the assumption is I’m there for sex. As someone who’s been trying to create opportunities to the disadvantage youth, many of whom resort to selling their bodies, it’s not a good feeling when people assume I’m part of the problem.

I was talking to another volunteer when he showed me a blog that an American expat had about living in the Philippines. The particular post the volunteer showed me was of several pictures of American men, with younger Filipina wives, and their respective ages, the largest age gap I believe was 35 years. I further looked at the blog and in his general “about the blog” section he said the Philippines was a good place to go, with the strong implication that it was also a good place for people to come to for sex. I thought about it, and decided to post. I brought up that maybe encouraging sex tourism wasn’t a good thing, and brought up a few of the reasons.

The man replied defending his position, but also removing the offending piece as a compromise. We went back and forth a couple times and then he suggested maybe that I, or someone I knew could write an article for his blog about an alternative view to his own. I’ve been asking around for a few volunteers who know more about it than me to perhaps help.

The main point I want to impart is that when I challenged the man’s viewpoint, I did so respectfully. I didn’t attack his character, I didn’t push him into a corner asking him “how could he possibly think that?!” It was tempting, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead I kept my criticism objective, and because of that started a conversation, and it’s maybe led to an opportunity. It’s something that I encourage other people to do, to challenge the accepted norm, but to do so in a way that engages, not alienates, the opposing side. Although I certainly didn’t convince the gentleman to turn a 180 on his views, I did make him more open to mine, and I may have made him question what’s happening, which is a good start. It’s exactly the kind of work I’ve been doing in my community, only I’ve applied it to another American in this case.

Communication

Going back to my project with the youth, when I visited Bulala, and another barangay that day, the main topic of conversation was communication. One of the encouraging things of my service has been going from being on a whole different page than my community, to working towards the problems that exist, before they tell me. It’s because I’ve been experiencing the same obstacles and challenges they have in the past, and my community and I have reached the same conclusions of what we need to do because of that similar experience. Here’s a diagram of what I’m trying to accomplish with communication.

The PYAP is the youth group, and the groups of the left are the different agencies and organizations I want to aid the youth.  The most important aspect of my job is to make the arrows a reality. For example, if the MHO (Municipal Health Office) wants to promote family planning for disadvantaged youth, I want them to have an easy connection to the municipal youth group, who in turn will have an easy way of informing the youth group in all fifteen barangays about the program, who in turn can reach out to the rest of the out of school youth. Poverty, distance, lack of electronic communication (phones, email), and a lack of this kind of organized communication system already existing are just some of the complication we’ll have to confront. More updates as we attempt to tackle them.

Translation

As part of my growing fanaticism over communication, I’ve been thinking of ways to better describe the Peace Corps experience to people who haven’t been a part of it. Like so many other things, common phrases are “you have to experience it to understand it” and “every service is different”. Yes, to a degree actually experiencing it will give the clearest picture, and my service is vastly different from other volunteers both in the Philippines, and I can only imagine in other countries as well. Still, I’d like to make an attempt to help people picture Peace Corps better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YypiwAt7Amk

The video I’ve linked is about a young Korean man who grew up homeless, inspiring the judges and the audience with his incredible voice. It’s clear by the end of the video that the young man has a good future ahead of him. I enjoyed watching it.

Not every disadvantaged youth has exceptional talent, not every youth can get the opportunity that he did. Part of what makes his story touching is that he was the exception, not the norm. One of the strongest revelations in the Peace Corps is coming to understand that we are working with people, wonderful people, who are bright, caring, hardworking, but who don’t have the same opportunities. I don’t possess the power to turn people into stars. I’ve talked at length about humility before, and this is really where it comes into play. Because Western society shows us these exceptional stories, we want to duplicate it, but the reality is when we come across a community member who touches us, who makes us care, the help we try to provide is done with the limited resources available.

I’ve seen stories of people who feel guilty over this. They see the absolute poverty that exists in the world, and seeing their limited ability, feel immense guilt. In my opinion, feeling guilty doesn’t help, and I think it’s missing the point of the Peace Corps. Being a part of the Peace Corps is supposed to inspire people, to give them hands on experience, and if they want to continue to work in development, they can do so. Even if they choose another career path, they have lessons learned they can take with them. We do our best, and feeling guilty isn’t going to bring the best out of us. My community doesn’t feel guilty I’m here, they’re happy I’m here, and in turn I’ll be happy I’m a part of the community as well.

The other thing I’d like to translate this blog post is how you can be “right” but actually be very, very wrong when in another culture.

Every so often I have other volunteers asking me for advice for a problem they’re having with their coworkers. I’m known for having a good relationship with my own office, and am generally a positive person. When a volunteer tells me what happened, as often as not my response is, “you’re right, that was a problem, but you should go back and make things up yourself”. For example, a long time ago another volunteer had mentioned a case where their coworker was upset with them. The Filipino coworker was supposed to help with an activity with the youth, but kept holding back. In the end the volunteer went ahead without the coworker.

It makes logical sense, the coworker wasn’t helping out, so the volunteer just moved on and made the best of things. However, it was a loss of face for the coworker. It made her look bad to her peers, and although she may have considered taking a break from her paperwork and helped with the activity, pushing off the optional activity with the youth to do mandatory paperwork is more acceptable here, it’s what is expected of her. So although the volunteer didn’t do anything wrong by American standards, they still needed to be the one to say “hey, sorry about that, we’re still cool, right?” It’s what the volunteer did, and it worked out.

Another example is the acceptance of stress. For Americans, it’s okay to show it if you’re stressed. A heavy sigh, rubbing your temples, being unhappy, etc. As long as the American does their job, that’s what matters most (though in the service industry I suppose a chipper demeanor is part of the job). My experience in the Philippines has shown me that that behavior is taboo. It’s hard to describe it exactly, but it’s kind of rude here to be sullen. Whereas an American might shrug it off and say “Oh, they’re just stressed”, a Filipino might say instead “That person is moody”. Whereas acting stressed is considered a temporary condition in America, it’s seen as a characteristic of who a person is here.

In that way, much of the Peace Corps experience is having your own culture challenged. Talking to other volunteers, we’ve seen that the best thing we can do when we make these mistakes is to laugh it off, say that we’re being a crazy American, and to try to do better next time. The thing I wanted to get across is that cultural differences aren’t always so clear cut as food preferences or language. Sometimes the differences are very subtle, and we do have to be constantly mindful of that. Even if we feel we are in the right, part of our job is to be the one to relent, because as volunteers in a foreign country, it’s up to us to change, not our hosts. After our, our goal is to work with the community, not against it.

Coming Up

Should find out if I get my extension May 1^st, or maybe a few days after. Have my second Youth Leadership Summit. Trying to learn Tagalog, the main Filipino dialect. I’ll post again in a month or two, thanks for reading!

Questions and Answers

But First: Got my results from the FSOT. Didn’t pass this time around. I was close, but just a little below the cut off. Got some good tips from people who did better than me on what I can improve for next year, and I have a much more solid grasp on what I need to do to pass.

However, with that out of the way, I’m fully committed to extending my service now. Because my service at my site may now only be about half way over as opposed to ¾, I thought now would be a good time to do some question and answer, particularly the harder questions I’ve come across.

Why would you extend for another year? Are you crazy? Aren’t you just putting off real life for another year?

To be clear, I still need to get approval for my extension. Not guaranteed until then. Above is actually a few different questions, and I’ll try to address each (out of order).

Are you crazy?: Probably. It has nothing to do from Peace Corps. I’ve always been the kind of person to stick with something. I skipped a semester of college to keep working on the Obama Campaign, which I had only originally signed up to work for the summer of 2008. It’s actually a pretty similar situation now.

Aren’t you just putting off real life for another year?: Real life is what you make it to be. I have a job, responsibilities, friends, and plans. I guess my student loans are deferred for now, and I’ll eventually have to get a job that can pay those off. So in that regards yes, I’m putting off student loans another year, but real life? It’s a bit dramatic.

Why extend?: Several reasons. The most important is that I have a lot of good work I can do with another year. I’ve written a lot about my out of school youth project. It’s still gradually progressing, and I want to see it reach a point where I can pass it off to my host country partners, something I’m doubtful I can do in the next six months, but I think 18 months is more than reasonable. If I extend, I may also get the opportunity to be a Peace Corps Volunteer Leader (PCVL). It’s a chance to work closely with our staff in Manila and work to improve the overall program. Not only is it a chance to do a lot of management-level work (and maybe convince employers back in America that I AM qualified), but more importantly I do feel confident I can add a lot to the program, taking in all the things other volunteers have told me. I’m happy here in the Philippines, and though I don’t intend to live here the rest of my life, I can spend some more time here. I love the work I’m doing, which isn’t a guarantee in life, so I’ll keep doing what I love while I can. 

Why does it take two or more years to get something accomplished?

Ooh, good question. I ask myself that one often. When I first applied to Peace Corps I balked at the two years. Clearly my perception’s changed a bit. First, you don’t need two years to get something accomplished. Sometimes you just need one moment to inspire a child, to turn a community’s opinion of Americans into a positive one, to learn a valuable life lesson you’ll take with you for the rest of your life. However, when people ask me that question, and when I ask it of myself, usually we’re referring to more of the “glamorous” projects, the one’s you can find in the newspaper, or on the Peace Corps website. When we talk about accomplishments, we aim high. So here’s a rough timelines for my experience here in regards to my projects.

July 2011-September: Pre-Service Training. I learned Ilocano, got adjusted to the culture, learned different tips and tools from Peace Corps.

September-December: Got settled into my community. Had one good leadership camp. One month in there was spent sitting around due to a couple large typhoons that hit us.
January 2012-July: I had a number of small projects. About a half dozen projects that didn’t go anywhere. Got to know more and more people in my community. Helped with a couple camps at other volunteer’s sites.
August -November: Finally hit gold with a project. I wanted to work at helping the out of school youth, it really clicked with my community. Still, took a few months to meet as many people as I could, haggled my way into getting to the far flung areas, had to reschedule a few meetings. Also compiled all the feedback they gave me.
December: Not a whole lot. Holidays kind of slows things down here. Also took a two week vacation back to America.
January 2013-Now: Designed a framework for a much more comprehensive project than I planned. Slowly but surely getting all the community partners I need on board, getting things prepared, trouble shooting, etc.

You just don’t get off the plane, put on a smile, and suddenly start building wells, and doubling the farm crop. If that was the case, there really wouldn’t be a need for Peace Corps. We learn, we do some trial and error, and hopefully it pays off.

Why does the Philippines still need the Peace Corps after over 50 years?

Another good question. Answer one: It’s not the job of the Peace Corps to “save” countries worldwide. We work mostly on a micro-level, doing good works for specific communities, we don’t have the resources or manpower to tackle country-wide poverty. However, just because something’s on the micro-level, doesn’t mean it’s not important. A thousand people better won’t change the entire country, but nothing to scoff at. Even a hundred. Even ten youth in need.

Answer two: Even America still has a strong need for NGOs and community service. I don’t think there’s a single country worldwide that has ever been so perfect as to not benefit from aid in one form or another.  

I heard the Peace Corps isn’t a very good organization because of X, Y, and Z.

Pessimism is how people without ideas or solutions attempt to sound smart.

That being said, the Peace Corps is over 50 years old, it has had over 200,000 volunteers, it currently has about 8,000 volunteers in over 70 countries. Mistakes do happen, and just like any organization or agency, it has its strengths and weaknesses, and just like anything else people disagree on what those strengths and weaknesses are. My best advice is if you’re trying to get a feel of the Peace Corps as a whole, look at as many experiences and sources as you can, and put them all together. After all, I’m hardly in any position to judge the experience of my friend teaching English in Sierra Leone, or of a volunteer doing healthcare in Latin America, or comment on how our headquarters in D.C. is doing things. Most of us only ever get a limited perspective.

If I am selected as a PCVL, hopefully I can help make Peace Corps Philippines (even) better. 

I feel like I’m not getting a lot done right now. What should I do?

This is a question I get from other volunteers. It’s been easier to answer this one with newer volunteers, as they’ve yet to reach the point where I personally found a more long term project. It’s more difficult to answer with volunteers who came into country the same time as I did. One thing I wish Peace Corps did was to be more candid about how we’re not guaranteed some sort of community changing project when we sign up. Just like in any job you apply for, there’s no guarantee it’ll match all of your expectations. However, for most volunteers I’ve talked to, it’s not that there hasn’t been some good. They were able to accomplish things here and there, they just wanted more. I can’t blame them, it’s the main reason why I’m extending.

If all else fails, it’s still a learning experience. It’s not all the time you get to live and work in another culture. It’s a unique experience.

Why aren’t you dating a Filipina? Do you not like Filipinas?

Now this question has come from my own community. It still irks me that even should the out of school youth get the services and assistance to really improve things, there will still be a lot more people who care more about whether I’m dating. My personal favorite is when they ask “How many chicks” followed by a kissing sound. I normally just joke out of it, say I’m in love with my older, married coworkers, and make claims that I’ve tried, but no one wants to date the young, white guy they think is rich. However, I do have a few legitimate reasons.

The biggest thing is if I’m going to date, I’d like it to be with someone I have a lot in common with. My interests are in global affairs, international development, and it’s difficult to find that in a young woman in rural Philippines, and I don’t spend the same kind of time in the larger cities to get so acquainted as to find people with those interests like me. I’m told often how “pretty and nice” a girI is, which isn’t a bad start, but I’m really more interested in shared interests.

Also there is the trust issue. I’m hot stuff mostly because they do think I’m rich. To be fair, I probably will be rich by comparison to most my community whenever I get my loans paid. Living in America does have more amenities even if I don’t have the mansion they think I have. However, I’m not going to date someone because they’re looking for a green card. Although it might not be everyone, it’s hard to tell the difference.

The final reason is that I have a good thing going in my community and with the Peace Corps. Dating sounds like a solid way to add a lot of drama that could undo a lot of what I’ve been building up. Not worth it.

What have you learned in the Peace Corps?

Too much. This question’s tricky cause I don’t know where to start, and because I don’t want to go so long as to lose your attention. So let’s stick to a few of the highlights.

-Expectations!: A hamburger tastes so much better if you’ve been without for six months. An hour’s delay if nothing if you’re used to things getting delayed far longer. Whether a Peace Corps experience is positive or negative is sometimes determined more on the volunteer’s expectations than what’s actually happening. Getting a community behind a project is about shifting their own expectations, making them expect more from themselves.

-Development: Development needs more doers than thinkers. I love to think. I love to plan and brainstorm and think I’m brilliant, but my success in the Peace Corps has come from finding the ideas that already exist in the community. To all the aspiring undergraduates and graduates looking into development, all your years of studying is helpful, but it’s not going to make you understand more about an impoverished people than they understand about themselves. You’ll find that successful development projects worldwide almost all stem from local ideas, inspired by the people themselves.

-Myself: I think I’m doing a few things right with my life. Always room for improvement.

Would you recommend the Peace Corps to me?

Hm… that depends on who you are. That depends what you’re looking for.  It doesn’t hurt to start the application process, it took me about eight months from typing the first letter on the online application to stepping on the plane, that’s a good deal of time to consider if it’s right for you. The other thing I’d suggest is to ask yourself what you’ll do instead if not doing the Peace Corps? My first paying job after getting my undergraduate was being a cashier at the Home Depot. I have two years “relevant work experience” under my belt to finally be qualified for those jobs I tried to get two years ago, but now I might have the chance to do some really great things in a third year that none of those jobs offered. However, that was just me. Other people probably have more tempting alternatives.

 

In a Stride

Been awhile since I posted, and I have some new stories and insights to share. All in all things are going well for me, and ‘m still in a stride. Still have good days and bad days. Still trying to change my sleeping schedule so I can get morning workouts in, but I feel comfortable in my community, with my work, and with my Peace Corps experience.

The Leadership Summit… or Not

Several of my projects last year were busts. It’s normal. However, I was really confident about the Second Annual Youth Leadership Summit. We had it last year, they created an ordinance mandating the summit. We had a date picked out. The module was improved and revised to accommodate out of school youth as well as students. We sent all the invites out.

The following day three Barangay Captains visited me to ask me to postpone the summit. The students were still in school during those dates. Having the privilege of knowing several volunteers who work at the school, I was aware that there are many reasons students get taken out of class. Environmental/health/etc week, for a marching band competition, for a song and dance routine, are just some of the examples. I thought asking for a score of students from each school was reasonable, but in the end I had to relent. It’s been pushed back to March, though still working out the exact dates. My hope is to have it before harvesting season which is usually the last week of March through April.

However, I had one more curveball thrown at me. That afternoon, I wrote up a quick notice to inform everyone about the postponement of the summit. A week later, one of the schools still arrived because they never got the second notice. It was a frustrating moment. In a week’s time the communication should have been received. The school that came is at the heart of the mountain barangays, about an hour away from me, and one of my targeted places for where I want to do a lot more work. My supervisor explained what had happened, while I whipped up a few activities so that they didn’t leave empty handed.

For about an hour we ran through some leadership tools and strategies such as the tree model (trunk is the problem, roots are the causes, branches are the effects, leaves are the people affected). I also promised them that if they wanted I could come to their school specifically and do more. Since I haven’t heard back it’s something to follow up on.

The first lesson to come out with it is to turn defeat into victory. Make a bad situation and turn it into something even better than you originally had planned. In this case, I attempted to build a stronger relationship with Belance High School than I would have if the summit had gone according to plan. I’ve found this strategy extremely useful at site. I make mistakes, sometimes its legitimate cultural misunderstandings, sometimes it’s just on me, but as often as not I’ve used the moments to try to get closer to my community, to tell them “hey look I’m a crazy American, this is why I need all of your help on this too.”

The second, and more important lesson came after I waved goodbye the kids and their teacher. I was upset about the miscommunication in the first place, and I was even more upset that I felt unsupported when they came. My supervisor was an exception, and he bought me some valuable time, but I also wish that another couple of people had assisted as well. However, I didn’t make a big deal of it. I didn’t criticize anyone. Biggest of all, I didn’t try to make a point. During my service thus far, I’ve reached the conclusion that trying to prove a point isn’t really all that important. If I want my coworkers to take a more active role in things I’m doing I’ll include them. Getting frustrated when it doesn’t happen is more likely to push people away than have them turn around. It hasn’t been always easy to let go of my pride like that (and truth be told it doesn’t always work), but it has been rewarding when I do.

America

Having the chance to live in a developing country has made me appreciate the things I had back home. Although the streets in America are certainly not paved with gold, they are paved with tar, which is but one of the many, many small things that I experienced again during my two week vacation back to Colorado for the holidays.

Living in another culture is far from easy no matter where you are from, and no matter where you are going. I hear Filipinos speak of family and friends who struggle in America. The food, the customs, the language, the expectations both professionally and personally are different. One of the most noticeable things about my trip is that life felt very, very easy because it all came natural. I didn’t have to consider whether my words would be taken out of context or not, didn’t have to remember how to say a certain word in Ilocano, I didn’t have anyone staring at my awkwardly or thinking that trying to get my attention was funny simply cause I’m a foreigner. And yes, having my favorite foods that aren’t around in the Philippines like alfredo, Five Guys Burgers, and bacon was magical.

A term used in the Peace Corps is reverse cultural shock, describing volunteers who go home for the first time and are surprised by how different things are. I didn’t really feel any shock per se, and I don’t think I saw everything as different. I certainly appreciated Colorado even more, and I did find that people were really impatient. Like honestly Americans, you all look silly with how rushed you are.

Christmas was great. I got a kindle (the original, black and white one), a t-shirt, a CD of rock bands covering Muppets songs, a few other things.

I’m really happy I had the chance to go back to America and see my family. It’s a bit different in this day and age with the internet and skype than it was for volunteers back in the day. However, I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again anyways, face to face trumps all still. Yes, phones, e-mails, (blogs) are all still valuable and necessary, but I’ll still take face to face when I can.

No big New Years parties. No big exciting things I did. Only interesting thing I did was take cheese and butter making class. I’ll try to make some at my site, but we’ll see if their milk works (it’s the kind that has a year shelf life).

Updates on the Big Project

My comprehensive out of school youth project is still moving slowly but surely. Some highlights…

The youth organization aspect: There’s a young man, former intern of my office, who is primarily in charge of organizing the out of school youth now. It takes a good chunk of the workload off my shoulders, and it’s exactly what the project needs: Filipinos taking charge. We’re working on getting the local youth government on board.

Health aspect: The Reproductive Health Bill (RH Bill for short) passed in the Philippines. It’s an extremely controversial bill here in the Philippines, and I’m not going in depth here. However, part of the work I’m trying to get started is to work on the problems of teenage pregnancy, and family planning, particularly for households that cannot support several children. I’ll be meeting with the Municipal Health Office again to see how the bill’s passing may affect our own work in the community.

Job creation: We’re going to still need to find sources of funding. However, before that we need to document and organize the kinds of jobs we’re looking to create, the expenses to provide a job, and the breakdown of those expenses from materials, to land, to training. There are currently programs in the Philippines for job trainings, but it only covers a small percent of the populace. I’m hoping to start a similar program in our municipality, and making it as large or small as we have the resources to provide for.

Things to Come

I finally am going to take the FSOT on February 2^nd. For a while it looked like I wasn’t going to get in yet again, the spots filled up in less than a day. However, more spots did open up. I don’t think taking the test is usually that tricky, I think it’s just trying to take it in the Philippines that made it harder. I’ll try to re-look over some world geography, make sure I don’t mix up the amendments, take a closer look at US treaties, and continue to keep up with the world news.

Hoping to grab a punching bag next time I’m in Baguio which will probably be sometime next month during their Flower Festival. Yes, I just said punching bag and Flower Festival in the same sentence. I was surprised when I wasn’t able to find one in my own province since Manny Pacquiao is the biggest sports celebrity here. It’s a great workout though, and I’m willing to spend my living stipend on one.

I’m pretty sure at this point I’ll look for an extension to my service. The work is still at the beginning stages, I’m happy here, I don’t have a job lined up for me back home. If I’m able to beat the odds and get accepted as a Foreign Service Officer, I’ll definitely accept, but it’s a long process and I still need to pass the initial test.

 

Thanks for reading, and I’ll try to get an update in February

Sacrifice, Strength

Sacrifice

 There are days I wonder how much I’ve actually sacrificed. True, I haven’t seen family and friends back in America for over a year and a half. I’ve left behind many modern conveniences such as a gym, a pool, a grocery store, driving. However, I’m still living comfortably enough. I’m eating well, I have my own place, I love my work. I’ve made new friends and have faced challenges that have made me realize how trivial many of my complaints before my service were. I have a good life right now.

However, I’ve been reminded of that sacrifice. I sent an email to my Aunt telling her goodbye. She’s been fighting cancer for years, and the news from home is that we’re to the point of counting days. I’m thankful I live in an age where email exists, where I can communicate back and forth with my family because I know 51 years ago when Peace Corps started they wouldn’t have heard the bad news until weeks after. Still, it’s closing in on a year and half in the Philippines and some of those days I could have spent with my Aunt. Some of those days I could have spent with my two best friends from college, both of whom have recently been married. There are things I wish I had been able to do back in America, but couldn’t.

 

It’s times like these that force me to weigh the value of my service compared to what I’ve given up. Although I cannot undo the choices I have made, I can still look back and ask myself if I would have made the same choice knowing what I do now, because I know there will be similar choices in future, some of them very soon. And my answer is yes, I’m still glad that I joined the Peace Corps, because my loved ones at home understand why I’m doing this, and although I can’t be as close as I want to be to them, I can still drop a note from time to time. That, and there are people here in the Philippines who I can make a difference for as well.

Mustaches and Moments

 

Last October my Batch had its Mid-Servie Training (MST), a chance to commemorate being halfway done with service, to reassess our current state at our respective sites, and as it’s last time we’ll see each other as a whole group until our Closing of Service next year. We all have our highs and lows, and at MST there were as many different perspectives and opinions about service as they were volunteers. What we did share in common was a love for the food, and that it was a chance to breathe.

I had a great time personally, and the highlight of our week was the time honored tradition of “Stash Bash”. The men grew out their facial hair, and we had a fun competition. I learned several important life lessons. First, I can actually grow a decent beard. It took about four weeks until it filled in well, but I was happy with the results. I did have to stand strong against peer pressure though. My community loved or hated it along gender lines with the men in favor and the women against (and my office is almost all women). I also learned that a glue stick is “more gluey” than a bottle of glue. When trying to curl my mustache for the competition I tried the bottle of Elmer’s glue to limited success, but upon the advice of another volunteer used the glue stick which worked perfectly.

 

Yes, I’m perfectly aware of how classy I am.

 

This is my first (successful) beard. Then again, last time I tried was six years ago.

 



 

And here is me for the Stache Bash!

 

 

Me and two other classy gents.

 

The Project

 

As I talked about before, my main project right now is coordinating a comprehensive series of changes to help the out of school youth have more opportunities in life, to be able to have more control over their own destiny. Suffice to say this isn’t an easy project, but after talking to dozens of people in the community, I have a starting outline as follows.

 

ORGANIZATION AND REPRESENTATION: At the very heart of this project is to get a group organized of out of school youth leaders. This is a group without any core to it, without a strong voice in the community, and setting up a youth group for them is going to be vital to their future.

LIFE SKILLS TRAINING: Self confidence, self expression, communication, maturity, hope. These are but a few things which most of the out of school youth don’t have. There’s a lot of different ways to impart these values and skills on the youth, and it’ll probably take most of them from camps, to regular activities, to getting them involved in the other facets of the project.

TECHNICAL SKILLS TRAINING: It’s difficult for a school dropout to get a decent job, especially in a rural town where jobs are scarce. The first challenge is going to be to determine what jobs can actually translate into getting the youth working, and then to find people who can assist with the training.

HEALTH: Drug use, alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, and a lack of family planning are all contributors to out of school youth, and making their situation worse. In regards to family planning, poor families can easily have as many as ten or fifteen children whom they cannot support, forcing the children to stay at home and work.

EDUCATION: There is an Alternative Learning System created for out of school youth, however it doesn’t have enough teachers for the population. Part of our efforts need to be reintegrating what youth we can  

Back into school, and trying to take preventative measures for current students.

COUNSELING: Many of these youth come from broken families. Some have suffered abuse. For some of the youth to deal with their current situation and their past, we need to find better ways to connect them to the professional counseling the LGU provides.

SUSTAINABLE FINANCING: Some of the youth will need to be self employed. The organization for out of school youth will need to be active. They need working capital for both. As I said before, we cannot train the youth to be tailors if they cannot afford the cloth or fabric. We cannot give them better farming techniques if they cannot afford the equipment and land. My first approach will to be to search for sources of income within the Philippines to promote the sustainable part of it.

COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT: For every adult that helps volunteer, for every group that assists with the project, that many more people become invested in the future of these youth. The more people who take action, the stronger the project will be.

OUTREACH: If this project is successful, it can be duplicated. I will try to keep extensive notes as I go along, and am already connected to the Provincial and Regional focal person for youth.

 

Although I’ve putting it all in my own words, and organized it as best I saw fit, everything I just listed has come from more than one person in the community. These are their ideas, which is why this project has a shot of working. It’ll take slow, gradual work, and it’ll take the commitment of a lot of Filipinos. As time goes on things will likely be tweaked and changed as find out more.

 

Choices

I spoke before about similar choices to joining the Peace Corps itself are coming up sooner than later. Although I still have some months left, I have to think about whether I want to extend my service or not. The project with the out of school youth is not going to be finished in 10 months. I feel in many ways like I’ve just gotten started. Besides, I think I have adjusted enough to where I feel I could stay for longer if things work out.

 

However I am trying to keep my options open. I still am taking the Foreign Service Officer’s Test this February. I just created a LinkedIn account in case someone browses my profile and say “I need to give that a man a six-figure-salary!” (that’s how LinkinIn works, right?) One of my goals is to have a job ready for me when I return to the states. My student loans will be taken off deferment, and I don’t want to be kicking myself in the foot knowing that there’s a lot I can do to look for work over the coming months, whether I extend or not. Recently our Volunteer Leader (a volunteer who extends a full year and takes on some staff duties on top of being a volunteer) strongly suggested that a Masters is important for a lot careers. I really don’t want two more years in a classroom, and I really don’t want to have to have more student loans, but I have to respect the advice and consider it.

Strength

 

So… when tragedy strikes, or days bog me down, how do I handle it? Well, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I need the extra day off, sometimes I need to step away and focus on other things until I get my head wrapped around it, whether it’s dealing with sad news, or figuring out how I’m going to get things moving at my site with the limited experience I have. It’s only a temporary solution though.

I’m almost certain I’ve talked about how I try to read (not doing so well on that right now), exercise (doing a bit better with this one), drinking hot tea or cocoa (now this one I’m on top of). However, I think the thing that encourages me the most is learning new things. I joke with people that I only started to appreciate learning my last semester of college as I realized for the first time that I wouldn’t have people telling me what I’m supposed to learn any more, that I had freedom to decide what was important to know, and that there was still a lot left out there to find out. Here’s a video I stumbled upon the other day about the golden ratio.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?kkGeOWYOFoA

My aim is to try to have a blog post once a month, though once every month and a half or two months might be more realistic. Next month I have the second annual leadership summit. I’ll be using it as a stepping stone for the project with the out of school youth, as I’m hoping over half of the participants this year will be made up by them. I also am going to go back to America for two weeks around Christmas time. I’m anxious to see how things have changed, and to see how my perspective has changed after being gone for so long.

‘Til next time.





Adventures in Humility

Adventures in Humility

 

As I’ve crossed the one year mark at my site, and things are finally active and underway, a lot has changed. Whereas before I kept adding on more and more hobbies and interests to eat up the time, I’m now trying to prioritize what’s important and what I can drop as there’s not enough time to do it all. Whereas before my main effort was poking around the community to find potential projects, I now find myself looking at an ever growing task set before me.

If you look around the web, you’ll see scores of stories of Peace Corps Volunteers who realize that their Peace Corps service isn’t what they expected it to be. Bureaucratic systems that weigh you down like a sea of molasses, working at a job where soon can mean a week and later can mean months, and struggling with cross cultural communication where knowing the local dialect is only half the battle are all common aspects of service. Dreams of helping with true development become more and more distant. For many, the journey becomes more of a personal one, than one about their adoptive community, and in truth there is no shame in that. It’s defined most of my service so far.

As I stated last time, one of my major projects coming up has been to organize the out of school youth. I’ve met with seven out of fifteen barangays, and introduced the program, recruited to people to help lay the groundwork, and received a lot of input about the situation with out of school youth. I’ve tried to emphasize at the meetings that the Unlad ng Kabataan (name of the project) isn’t a set in stone program. I want it to adjust to the community’s wants and needs. As such my role has been more of a facilitator than a manager, and the direction of the Unlad ng Kabataan is being shaped by the local officials and community members. When left to their own devices, they’ve chosen development as the main purpose, addressing the poverty in Dupax del Norte.

So, it appears that I have stumbled on the Peace Corps dream in many ways. On a project focused on underprivileged youth, the task set before me is to help coordinate the Unlad ng Kabataan to address the cycle of poverty that is stagnating the community in some parts, and in others making it worse. After being in the Peace Corps for over a year, and learning about development work in a much more profound way, I find myself filled with a great sense of humility, not because I feel honored, but because I do not have the ability to do this as things are now. I can organize youth, I can train them, I have both the knowledge and experience. I have neither when it comes to what is now being asked of me. However, I do have the ability to learn what I don’t know, and I have a lot of resources at my disposal starting with the Peace Corps. The Unlad ng Kabataan has grown much larger than I thought, and I feel a deep calm as I know that it’ll take the very best out of me for this to have a fighting chance.

Sally Forth!

I’ve learned a lot more about my community in the past weeks simply by travelling to as many barangays as I can. When geographically most of the barangays don’t have phone service, I have to resort to paper notices to communicate. Without a clear cut system to distribute notices, I’ve had to wait between half a day and a week for those notices to get distributed as people come and go to the municipal hall.

I’ve also seen first hand the transportation problem. Roads are not cheap. In fact, read any Econ 101 and you’ll see that when discussing the purpose of government, it always lists roads as a bare necessity as they are too costly for individuals to pay for, but roads are necessary for a thriving society. Dupax del Norte is doing what it can to make roads, but as we are far from the richest municipality and the mountain barangays make for some serious challenges for road construction, not everywhere is easy to get to.

One such case was Barangay Bulala. Our head officials were off on a budget meeting the other week, and with them went the municipal vehicles. Try as I might I could not find a transport, until one of my coworkers got a trike driver to agree to take me. So off we went the next morning. First we climbed the steep, steep road. Then we crossed what to most Americans would appear as a hiking trail when rocks and grass jutting up. Finally we went through the stretches of mud, having to get out and push the tricycle through it. Oh, and what is a tricycle you may ask?

 

 

A tricycle, or trike for short, is a normal motorbike with a side compartment welded onto it. Not exactly the most ideal vehicle for rugged terrain. Still, we made it, and got back. Most of my community thinks I was crazy for making the trip.

Foreign Service Exam… or Not

I talked to our Country Director (head staff person in Peace Corps Philippines) about potential jobs after my service. I know I’m at least a year out, but I really don’t want to leave the Philippines without a job knowing that student loan payments will be coming, and knowing the economy’s probably still some years away from being smooth again. First, he verified what I had been thinking all along and that it is hard to get a more career oriented job right out of the Peace Corps. To be fair, several of the volunteers in my batch who ETed (early termination) found work quickly, one getting their old job back, another two doing different things for the campaign season. Still, I feel the need to look around while I can.

One of his suggestions was to look into the Foreign Service, the people who work at embassies worldwide. To get in, there are several steps to take, the first of which is the Foreign Service Exam, a three part test, one of General Knowledge, then English Comprehension, then an Essay section. Luckily for me, I tend to do better on essays than multiple choice, and I do have a Writing Minor (I took a writing minor in college on the advice of a friend on what would be useful for a career, I think the advice was solid [because even if your job is technical, you often still have to write for it, and explain it to others]). The General Knowledge test, at least for me, is probably the most challenging covering things like US Politics, History, Culture, Management 101, geography, world events, and more. Luckily, most of that fits into my International Relations degree.

The real challenge was to decide on a career track. As you sign up for the exam, you have to choose one of five career tracks, and that career track sticks with you for your entire career (and therefore lives up to the name ‘career’ track). I had little interest in consular (the people who do visa work and work with Americans living overseas [even though almost all Foreign Service Officers start off doing consular work]) or management (pretty much typical management work only in a very different environment). However Economic, Politcal, and Public Diplomacy (works with the press, does a lot of outreach programs) all had their strengths and weaknesses to me. Of the three, economic is the least competitive, and the more I learn and read, the more crucial economics seems to me (just look at the Unlad ng Kabataan and what that’s turned into). Politics really goes to the heart of what people think diplomats do, and are the people who provide information to our policy makers. Public diplomacy is the one where cross cultural communication comes to play the most, something I’ve learned to revere and respect. In the end I chose political for several reasons I may go into at a later time. However, by waiting I missed out on getting a seat for the exam at the end of this month held in Manila. They almost got me in, but not quite. It’s okay though, there’ll be another one end of this year, or early next year. It’ll give me more time to study for the general knowledge section.

That being said, I’m not sold on whether it’s something I want to do. It definitely has my interest, but I’ll continue to look for alternatives as well. More than anything, the challenge of getting in is enticing. Even if the Foreign Service isn’t right for me, I still want to be a qualified and capable enough individual to be able to do it if I want, and I’ll only know if I take the exam.

Money, Money, Money

Financial, number one. That is what every barangay has told me so far as the cause of out of school youth. It is not the only one as broken families, lack of interest, negative encouragement from peers, and a few other things are also contributing factors. However, most youth drop out of school because they cannot afford to go. It’s not that school costs too much, it’s that their family does not make enough to support them unless they pitch in as well. It’s that a high school diploma, unlike in America, rarely offers a better job with more income than if they drop out in the second grade.

Six barangays told me this, and my response was the same. I encouraged them that yes, money was needed, but that first we needed organization. We don’t need money to get organized, but we need to get organized before we can get any money. We need to be organized so we can get money from the local government or a NGO. We need to be organized so we’ll know exactly how much we’ll need, and what exactly the money will be going towards. I also assured them all that no, I do not have oodles of American dollars just waiting to give to them.

Then came the seventh. This barangay receives the plurality of aid work. It is the third furthest barangay away. They are all too familiar with projects and aid, and when I met with their officials, I found we were all on the same page. It was refreshing for them to denounce a single, one off program, how what they need is something more consistent, a project that follows up, that is year round. However, they also brought up funding, but they did so in a way that wasn’t just asking for money, or assuming the American was there to give them funds. They’ve organized the out of school youth before, even as recent as last year. They’ve had trainings before. Their youth have been trained to be tailors, but they cannot afford to buy the fabric and materials needed to start. They’ve learned about farming techniques, but do not have the resources to get things started. No one follows up with them, and the project dies. It’s like the old Chinese saying ‘catch a fish for a man and he’ll be fed for a day, teach a man to fish and he’ll be fed for a lifetime’. However, they haven’t been given a fishing rod.

I found myself in a room of people who not only knew more about their community (which is what I expect, and why I need their assistance every step of the way), but people who knew more about development work in general. So what do I say to them? What can I offer them? Clearly I’m in over my head.

Or not. Maybe, just maybe, this is where it starts.

They convinced me, and I told them exactly that. And then I told them what I can do, and that’s to use what resources I have. First and foremost to that is being a Mr. Whitey, Mr. American. Although they are the ones who know better, if I’m the one to speak as their voice, to give their reasoning, potential funders might just listen to me more as the ‘foreign expert’. I can learn. I just read a book last month about microfinance. As I’ve grown older it seems like everything I’ve learned has a practical use that shows up quickly. I don’t think it’s fate, I think it’s that once we learn something new, we see the possibilities and potential for its use in our daily lives that otherwise was no different. I can, and have emailed my Sector Manager for what resources Peace Corps has. I can talk to other volunteers. I can get connected to not only my municipal office, but the provincial and regional offices as well. Once again I go back to how I’m filled with a sense of humility, that I will need a lot of assistance to make this possible.

And Me

I said earlier that for many volunteers, their journey becomes focused on the self. Just because I have stumbled upon this new project doesn’t mean my own life is suddenly out of the equation. As my life has become busier, I’ve struggled with my own schedule. I’m trying to learn Tagalog but I’m seeing how much more difficult it is now that I have my work and my own place to maintain than it was to learn Ilocano when I had formal classes and a host family. I’ve had trouble finding both time to work out and time to read, as I increase one to the level I want, the other drops.

And I’ve been tired.

However, I do feel with this new sense of humility I may be on the right track. I started the Unlad ng Kabataan in a big hurry. I was trying to go full steam. Study for the foreign service exam, get in better shape, keep reading, get the barangay meetings done quickly and move to the next step. Now I hear this voice telling me to wait, step back, and look at what’s important. I’m now fully invested in a project which is beyond my capabilities. What do I need to do to make up for that? What do I need to do to support myself so that I’ll stay healthy, ease my stress, and generally just enjoy life as I move forward? I’m still working on those answers, but I feel they’ll come in time.

I’m so not a perfectionist. Heh.

So What’s Coming Up

More barangay meetings. Seven down, eight to go. I have a date set for my training of the youth government this October 18^th. Our Mid-Service Training (MST) where we get our medical and dental exams after a year in country, and where my batch of volunteers will all meet together for the last time until the end of our service is the week of October 22^nd. Hopefully some answers on what’s important and not so I’ll have an active (but not too active) life beyond the work. No doubt a lot of learning as I into the full swing of this development gig.

Oh, and facial hair. We’re doing the time honored tradition of “Stache Bash” for MST. I’m growing a full beard out which after almost three weeks grown, and a little over three weeks to go, is filling in well enough. At MST I’ll shave the beard and leave the mustache which I’m sure will be quite the look. Yep.